So strong a need to win that you dared not enter a contest?
I think it was a symbolic fight for my life.
I think it’s caused by a child rearing tendency by parents to overemphasize achievements rather than effort, which makes a child feel afraid of failure, rather than welcome adversity.
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Its a symptom of sz called grandiosity. I was more like that when unmedicated, now less.
Competition isn’t my thing. To be better than some is to be worse than all, I say.
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I have to win my battle with schizophrenia and get my life back. I feel I have no other option.
I’m afraid to go back to college (a local one) due to my inability to sustain drive and finish. I also am afraid of failing. It’s a huge thing of mine. I don’t even want to try sometimes. I want to major in math but I cannot think anymore. I think engineering is better for me because I want to work with my hands and even build/invent things and make a ton of money. I want to start a company/corporation, but these things are unrealistic. I don’t even want to try.
I rather just do coursera and Edx.
I feel like a major failure. I cannot even wash myself and brush my teeth. My mood swings are rapid and extreme. I think I have schizo-affective disorder but I don’t want to acccept and admit it.
I don’t like competing anymore. I take the wise words of Peter Thiel who says competition is for losers. I agree now. I used to love competition but I think teamwork is better. I felt better at community college because of the support and teamwork. At university, I was alone and felt like everyone was backstabbers.
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I don’t look at it like a battle. I feel like it’s let the healing happen.
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I don’t have to. Certainly not when it comes to an argument or similar but I do still play cricket. It’s nice to win a game occasionally. You put a lot of work in and it’s nice to come out on top. Doesn’t detract if we don’t but it’s nice for sure.
I HAVE to win the fight against psychosis.
Yes its healing but its also fighting, fighting the hardship to get there.
I used to be like that not dare enter a contest but nowadays nothing is a contest cos I just need to be the best I can be and that is good enough. Even if for example someone else wins an art competition
I don’t feel that unhealthy pressure anymore cos I just need to believe in my intrinsic value, whatever happens.
For instance with the art competition
Having entered is winning for me.
Doesn’t stop me from wanting to win though hehe
I was like that when unmedicated. I was so grandiose that I thought I already won and no need to try.
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Some things I don’t even bother with if I know I’m gonna fail.
Interesting. 6th grade I can’t put in in words. Making nominations. Someone named me. I said not me. “why?” " I’m afraid I won:'t win"
I’ve thought back a number of times t dhis was the beginning of my schizophrenic way of thinking.that led to extremes.
My mother, the community are desperate to keep me subordinate, they use violence, stalking, harassment, intimidation, mental abuse!!!
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