I don’t like at all the consequences the side effects of the antipsychotic are having in my relationships with others. I have became insensible, I have no emotions, I’m indifferent to others, I don’t feel love, joy or other positive emotions. I never laugh and I am never smiling. I’m totally boring and have anything special anymore. I could write you a lot about changes since I take the medication but it would be too long. It is all written on my cell phone as a note for my appointment with my psychiatrist.
I especially think about my relationship with my goddaughter. Before the antipsychotic, I was very close to her. She used to like me a lot. She was always so happy to see me and she was always willing to go at my apartment. I was kind of special for her. Now it is not the same anymore at all. After 4 years of antipsychotic treatment, I have slowly but surely became just an ordinary uncle to her.
It is the same with the rest of my family. They are happy that I’m now healthy, but they like me less than before.
I stopped taking them and nearly wrecked my marriage once. Mrs. Pixel is understanding of some of the difficulties I have with APs, but she also understands how much worse things are when I lose my insight and am overtaken by positive symptoms. She supports me in being med-compliant.
Honestly people like me a lot more after the illness. On medication I have my sanity (almost) so I act and think clearly and know what I should do (most of the time).
You can not only blame your medication though, I still feel emotions but I am a different person before and after psychosis. I have different goals, ideas, passion, even music taste, different way of thinking etc.
The illness without medication is pretty severe, makes me into a different person. It is invisible though. It is a silent illness, people around me do not know or understand. They do not know I am actually ill which is why I was traumatized.
As for your family and loved ones, if you start acting like you are actually enjoying their company or like them, eventually you will start enjoying. In the end, you choose your character, values. This is my opinion anyway. I mainly force myself through things.
I think that I am better on the meds too. I know that before I was taking any meds, I nearly wrecked my marriage and my relationship with my mom because I kept on accusing them of things.
Actually, it seems I don’t have so much feelings for my loved ones since I’m medicated and consequently, it’s impossible for me to love them and to be nice with them as much as before. I don’t know how I could force myself. Is it possible to force yourself to have certain feelings?
I feel guilty about that, guilty of not loving enough and not being nice enough with people I should love, especially special persons who need it like my goddaughter. It is my duty to take care of my goddaughter and I feel like I became insensible to her. I feel sad because of that.
My goddaughter is too young to realize that I was sick and what that means but I’m pretty much sure that she is aware that I’m not the same as before with her.
you can not really ‘force’ feelings and such. But (me at least) do my best to push myself to do certain things. I have fun with my friends. It is the best distraction.
I feel distant to most people I love too. Does not mean I do not care. but this is life and it is also part of ‘growing up’ for me at least. It is a new way of life I guess… who knows?
I am sure your niece is fine.
You didn’t say which ap you’re on. Have you been on the same one all the time? They’re coming out with new ap’s all the time. Maybe you could find one, maybe combine it with an antidepressant, that lets you enjoy life more. I was exactly the way you were when I was on Haldol, but now that I am on Geodon I feel much better.
I’m sure that’s all in your head, your perception that your family likes you less than before. I feel distant to my family too, but I feel that my family still loves me. The question is, do I love them? I have no feelings one way or the other. Many of my family members died and I felt little to no sadness.
I’m on Saphris 5 mg.
Also on Zoloft 50 mg, Trazodone 100 mg, Clonazepam 5 mg.
I have first been on Zyprexa but the side effects were worst. I was like a zombie. Then I have been on Abilify and my psychiatrist made me change for Saphris because I had a breakdown.
My psychiatrist say that Saphris is one of the antipsychotics which cause the less side effects. Also, I’m taking the lowest dosage possible. Still I feel that it has a powerful effect on my brain. It seems that that antipsychotics dosages are usually too much powerful for me because I’m very sensitive to these medications.
They still like me but not as before. I have realized that they are less enthusiastic about me or toward me. It is normal since I’m less lovable than before because I can’t be as nice with them as I was before because I have less feelings.
On medication I have my sanity (almost) so I act and think clearly and know what I should do (most of the time).