I accidentally over shared at my therapy assessment
With respect to my psychosis experiences
I like to think that I can trust it
Since it’s happened now
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I get shy when they ask. I don’t want to say and I think they think I’m fake.
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Oh OK.
I don’t like to say because it feels like it’s not a good idea to.
However, I said a tonne lol.
It was an accident so I had to adapt.
Could you elaborate what you mean by them thinking you are fake and why
I cant talk about it alot. It makes me feel guilty and makes voices louder. Doctors don’t understand I’m shy.
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That would be a good one to have!
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I think a lot of doctors are sympathetic to schizophrenia and don’t ask a lot of questions, or intrusive ones anyway.
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Schizophrenia-
When you feel like life is a tornado, and you are the gratuitous cow being spun around for cinematic value.
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I was never told I was faking it or a ‘faker’, but SZ or SZA is pretty common (1% of the population). I’ve been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, but currently have SZA-Bipolar Type. I’m difficult to deal with. I was accused of manipulation before. Probably the Asperger’s thing. Sometimes, I thought I was smarter or ‘knew more’ than the doctors. I mean I deal with it every day and have had it for 12 years. I think a lot of it is studies and statistics and based on behavior and experience. I know about the meds too, but not really. I even thought about being a doctor or psychologist before – just joking…it’s impossible…for me…
My friend told me about “Carl Jung” and that Schizophrenia is a disintegration of the mind and ego. I guess schizophrenia means split mind or split brain, but it’s technically not. That’s MPD or Dissociative Identity Disorder, I guess. I even thought I might have that instead or both, but I don’t. I think schizophrenia is more accurate in my case…
I really don’t know much. I heard of “Frued” and “Jung” but that’s it. I don’t know much or anything about them.
I think I would like Carl Jung more tbh.
It was thought I might have BPD (Borderline before) or something like a personality disorder. I think I get dissociated and my caffeine abuse interferes with my meds, illness, and makes me sicker than a dog…I mean one doctor thought I might be allergic to them…I’ve never been happy or content until I tried Vraylar because it keeps my mood stabilized and keeps me from being too depressed, I guess…
I guess Vraylar helps me with my ‘severe negatives’ and I even tried supplements in the past because I was so desperate for a cure. I even had vision problems due to dissociation. I had to wear glasses for a bit early on because my vision decreased and had impairments which seemed neurological…to me…
I related to the term ‘dementia precox’ because I had negatives or cognitive decline early on when I got sick…
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It’s hard to describe and even more difficult to diagnose
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The fact that psychosis can feel more real than non psychotic life, makes it hard to shake it off 
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I think we are pretty special to live two realities at the same time.
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I prefer the normal reality. The second one is some HP Lovecraft.
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Thanks y’all! 
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Schizophrenia is indescribable sometimes. Just say what words come to mind and don’t worry about not sounding good. The side effects are indescribable too.
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An enigma wrapped in a mystery, confined in a straitjacket, stuck in the quiet room, and with a shot of Haldol in its arse. Next question?
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Just tell them your coocoo in the coconut
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I find psychosis very interesting, and, scary. And traumatising. And comforting. And it puts me in my place
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Pfft. Special needs.
You can have my second reality, it sucks.
I’d just say “It’s just hell.”