Anyone battling/overcome addiction?

Health and Recovery
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Hi long time since I’ve last posted. I’m in rehab, have been clean from alcohol and drugs for 4 months now, it was hard at first, then got a bit easier. Now the cravings are back with a vengeance, and I’m basically dry using (making plans, getting kicks out of the toughts of using, day dreaming abt it). It isn’t helping me.

It’s ■■■■■■ because I basically got a second chance at life, I’m super stable on 10mg abilify with no negatives at least not that I have the ability to notice and except for being more prone to fear no positives either, but can’t stop having compulsive thoughts about using. I know where it leads cause I’ve been there. Down a dark path of psychosis… One of my old friends who still uses just sent me a msg psychotic af that it was true that the radio was talking to him and all his secrets where online. His common delusions when he takes amphetamines which he was on. I don’t want to go back there, but I just don’t believe I’ve got the power to never drink or drug for the rest of my life.

It isn’t all bad though, I’ve taken up climbing, looking at doing yoga, still making some music, going to get back in to coding when I find a hobby project. Gotta enjoy the little wins. It isn’t the same as the careless happy life I had before the psychosises, but emotionally I’m making a lot of progress as well. Just a lot of insecurities rn. I’m cycling between feeling very good and very depressed sometimes multiple times a day.

Does anybody have any success stories? How did you remake your life? Any tips?

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I came off cannabis just by removing myself from social circles, same with cocaine. To be honest, for me it was simple because it was only part of university life where people messed around with or party with these things.

Alcohol was a little harder becuase every once in a while i got craving, but i managed. Just told myself. No. Aboslutely no. And it worked.

A feeling of revulsion comes over me because i know how bad psyhcosis gets when drugs are invovled

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I have never had addictions to alcohol or drugs, unless you consider nicotine a drug, but I have recently quit smoking. All I really did was make the decision to, and tell people to this effect, that I will no longer by cigarettes for myself. And haven’t bought cigarettes for myself in something like 2 months. I have had 5 or 6 in that time though from other people who supplied me one here and there. Still, pretty much off them.

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I wanted to add. I dont get cravings for any substance anymore, just the thoughts sometimes but not physical cravings. Its been since 2019 that i have been free of any substance use!

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That’s a great achievement. Do you still have group meetings?

I’m an alcoholic, and have been sober for 8 years.

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The only drug I’ve ever touched is alcohol sparingly. I’m definitely not an alcoholic. But I am addicted to food. But I hear coming off drugs is a very hard thing to do. Just keep fighting and don’t give up.

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Ive been sober from alcohol since june 6th. I checked myself into rehab and stayed flr 8 days out of a 30 day program. I knew id be okay if i just had some time awau from beer. Fast forward a few months and i havent had a drink yet. I journaled every day in the beginning. “Just for today i will not drink. I will (do this instead).” It set the tone for the day.

I was drinking 12 beers a day. Id get so drunk i couldnt open my eyes. Every day at 4pm id sleep for 2 hours and wish i wasnt drunk. It was miserable. Im feeling a lot happier not drinking. And my relationship with my dad is a lot better. We laugh almost every day.

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I cured my addiction and craving by going to the root cause of it. What is addiction but the need to escape what is in your head? I made a list of traumas in my life and then self-applied EMDR while thinking about these traumas.

Then I applied EMDR to addiction itself. I thought about all the good times, bad times and in between. I thought about all the pubs and times i was drunk. I thought about the hangovers. I thought how all I was doing was stupefying myself and escaping myself and finished my EMDR off with positive affirmations.

In a few weeks and following months the EMDR worked subconsciously on my psyche. I then discovered that i no longer craved or needed drugs and alcohol.

EMDR is a miracle cure for me. All EMDR is, is the mimicking of what your body does while dreaming. That is moving your eyes left and right while processing the days tribulations. We dream to process memories and empty the ‘rubbish’ from our minds. EMDR does this while awake.

Addicts classify themselves because the craving is always there. I am no longer an addict as I no longer crave. EMDR has done this for me.

I’ve told this story a few times on this site now, but it is often ignored. Perhaps some people like the addict status in a perverse way. It gives them something to cling to, label themselves and a group to belong to. I prefer not to be an addict at all, counting the days until the next ‘fix’ or drink.

Good luck!

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Thanks for sharing labratmat, was a helpful read

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Ah man! It’s rough. 4 months though that’s darn good guy. I’m working on a month again. I get up to 5 months and then I use again. I can’t seem to get to that 6 month mark for some reason. I just decide I want to do some and my brain starts setting me up to be in a position where it becomes available. But I think I have myself set up now where there won’t be any availability. But, if you don’t already know this, there’s always a way to get some if you’re really dead set on it. My thing is I won’t usually put a lot of effort into it and kinda wait for it to cross paths with me once I get to a certain time period in recovery. I was clean for 15 years and fell off the wagon. So, I know I can do it just struggling a bit with it right now. I guess the biggest key to success for me is to have a big motivation to stay clean. And then every time I get tempted say no and then focus on my motivation. I think that’s why I’m having a hard time now, I’m frustrated with my motivation. Anyway man, good luck. When I quit the first time, after being so bad, for so long, it took almost exactly 2 years to feel right and good again. Try to hang in there and I will too.

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I was on pretty hardcore drugs for a long time.

Had to go to rehab a couple times.

What got me success was moving and completely removing myself from any access.

Block all your using friends.

Focus on your physical fitness and try not to daydream about it.

I’m guilty of that myself.

In honesty, I still smoke a good bit of cannabis,

But after being on actual drugs, don’t consider it one.

It distracts me and satisfies that need for an adjustment without getting me addicted again.

I’m not encouraging you to do that, it’s legal in my state and recommended by my doctor.

Good luck to you, man.

Addiction is brutal and the battle never really ends.

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I have a long term addiction to self-harm. I still self-harm with nail picking and skin picking but to a point that no one notices. My doctor knows about it and we’re closely monitoring my situation.

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I don’t like the label of being an alcoholic or addict, it’s a case of being wary of guns after shooting myself while playing with them. No more “guns” (booze or drugs) are kept on my person or in my presence. 12 Step programs have kept me clean and sober for 30 years and counting. Still attend a meeting at least bi-weekly. Usually weekly. Someone was there for me decades back when I came in, now I have to be there for the newcomer.

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My only addiction is cigarettes for a little over 1 year now. I used to drink and smoke weed, rather heavy when off meds in the past especially but haven’t touched any of that this time around.

No support groups for me other than forums. Had to learn relaxation and living in the moment. Sounds cliche but it’s bulletproof for me.

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I have been clean officially since 2004 after a community rehab, and had one relapse of cocaine use in about 2009

Basically the court rehab I did luckily I was allowed to do in the community. But they made me cut ties with all the people I used with, which made it very hard to get the drugs. Nearly got sent to Narconon - which they now realise is an indoctrinating Scientology programme… I got out of it as they were freaking weird people I met

They drug tested me once a week for a year, and I never failed it otherwise it was sent back to Youth Custody

During this I had psychosis, but that was treated with Olanzapine for a couple of years than stopped APs

Saw a drugs worker for the period of a year, and I regard him as the mentor who turned my life around.

Never injected, but I used crack, LSD, cocaine, Ecstasy, Ket, Magic Mushrooms, Weed etc

Was in a real mess. Destruction of my life from ages 11-17yo that was gradual at first, then got really bad.

What changed me was someone spending the time to point out to me that these were not good people to be hanging out with, and that it was highly exploitative/manipulative.

All I will say about that part of it

So yes a success story. SZ was another hurdle, but it was managed properly even though I lost touch with services. However I will say I’d take SZ every day of the week if it meant not having to live like I did as an addict.

Maybe it’s poetic justice and deserved punishment that I have SZ, but who knows

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I’ve had my battles, still have a scuffle of cravings at times.

I’ve given them up, and gained a lot in return.

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anyone dream about it after they quit? happened when i quit drinking. it was substances too i dreamt about.

not an addict.

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I got addicted to crack in 1986. I smoked it for four years. My life revolved around getting and using drugs. I went through the typical crack addict experiences: selling or trading all my possessions for crack, being the occasional victim of violence, getting cheated and ripped off all the time, hanging out in the worst areas with the worst people etc.

I lost jobs because of my addiction; lost housing. Was endlessly lying to those around me about how much I used and when I used. Had the occasional run-ins with the police due to my drug use. Got caught with crack and came about as close as you can come to going to jail but got out of not at the last minute by some miracle. Yeah, my life was a wreck.

During the last year of my addiction, one day I was sitting at my dads house watching TV. Incidentally, along with my addiction I had really bad akathisia at the time. I was also going through a real bad relapse of my schizophrenia symptoms and was hospitalized several times during this period. But I was watching TV and an ad came on about drugs addiction. It said if you want to get clean, call this number. It turns out it was for Cocaine Anonymous. It listed several meetings in my area. I was living with my dad because I had gotten kicked out of my studio for being three months behind on rent. I wrote down the location of a few meetings and I knew the area where they were so I started going to meetings. I had wrecked my dads car so he was a little leery of letting me drive there but he thought it was a good idea.

I went to the CA meetings and they weren’t bad. People were friendly and I heard a lot of good stories. I was still using in between meetings though and I went there for a couple months. Even got a sponsor. But I had to move away and I moved into mental health housing. Basically I rented a 5 room house from this agency with four other people. They stuck us in this house and we were pretty much on our own. It was me this guy a couple years younger get than me and this older woman. I made friends with the guy my age and it turns out the woman was kind of shady. I started smoking crack with the guy. We partied all the time and no one there had a job. We hooked to with these drug dealers and they were over the house all the time; they had been to prison for assault and attempted murder and we hung out with them for the next 5 months.

The shady woman moved a guy into her bedroom. The guy was a minor gangster who kept guns in there but he was a nice guy. My friend rented out a room to a friend of mine. The mental health agency had no idea about any of this. So I smoked a bunch of crack and a bunch of bad stuff happened to me. Then I got kicked out of that house and ended up in the psyche ward. My dad didn’t want me back living with him so I had to move into a group home.

There were only 6 clients there and it was a temporary transitional house as an alternative for being hospitalized. I lived there and I made some friends and partied with them. I didn’t smoke crack while I was there but I was drinking. After about two months there, one night I wandered downstairs and discovered an AA meeting going on. It turns out that every Tuesday in the house they held an AA meeting but it was run by people outside the house. They invited me to sit in on the meeting so I did. And there were only 7 of us but they were the coolest, nicest people. I started going regularly. Other mentally ill people attended the meetings but they weren’t serious about the meetings they were just there to drink coffee and take advantage of the good nature of the other members. I’m sorry if this describes anyone here but it really used to bug me that these guys were just fooling around and not serious about getting clean.

Anyways, so I was going to this meeting for a couple of months and one night after a meeting I was laying in my bed and the urge to use hot me full force. The cravings were powerful and overwhelming and I made plans to get up early the next morning and borrow a hundred dollars from some family friends and catch a bus to East Palo Alto to get my drugs which was a city where I had done most of my smoking. I went to sleep with the familiar anticipatory high. I woke up the next morning and the first thing I thought was, “That’s crazy”. And the obsession and compulsion to use had been lifted from me overnight and has never returned. I guess a seed had been planted from all those meetings I went to.

At this point, while I was in the group home, I had no job, no car, no money and wasn’t going to school. But I soon got a part time job. Then I moved in to a long term group home, what they call a board & care home. I continued going to meetings and my life got much better. I was working and I enrolled in school. All the rest off the men there were drinking or doing drugs so I didn’t hang out with them. But now I wasn’t doing shady, illegal things or cheating or lying to people or going to bad areas and getting in trouble. I got a sponsor and started working the steps. I started living like the program suggested, with rigorous honesty and having responsibility. I tried to help others in the program. As AA says,“Now, instead of being part of the problem, I was part of the solution.”

My life just got so much better when I got clean. I started going to AA, Ca and NA functions like dances and holiday celebrations. I got into service. I started catching the bus or walking to 5 or 6 meetings a week. I heard some amazing stories of recovery in the programs. One thing I saw time and time again is that no matter what you used, or how often you used or how much you used or how long you used, you can still get clean and sober. I saw this proved over and over countless times. In meetings I saw guys who had used and drank for 25 years and slept on park benches in pools of their own urine and who lost everything; I saw these guys get clean and stay clean and wrack up years of sobriety. I saw guys who were hardcore addicts who had been in and out of prison and did the craziest things and I saw these guys get clean and start living honest, respectable lives.

I’m coming up on 33 years years clean and sober and I can’t say enough good things about the program. I was headed downhill in my addiction and CA probably saved my life. I would recommend the program to any addict or alcoholic; it’s free and proven to work. Good luck if you want to try AA, CA or NA. It was an enjoyable experience for me and I’m eternally grateful to the program.

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Wow what a stoty! I won’t lie, it triggered me a bit cause I was addicted to weed and used other drugs occassionally. I just smoke tobacco now and trying to quit. I am an addictive personality, from a young age I was addicted to video games and then it moved to drugs. Im glad that you got clean, but Im worried about myself, cause nicotine is a pinnacle of my addiction: I smoke, chainsmoke, vape, heat tobacco and even have literally eaten a cigarette in a mental ward. Ive tried almost every NRT product to stop smoking, but get hooked on the NRT products instead. Havent tried chantix tho, but heard horror stories about it. Wellbutrin just did not work on me and I continued to smoke on it. Maybe I wouldnt smoke if not for the anhefonia caused by the sz and medication, I feel bad about smoking of how much time I spend on it and how much time I lose on it.

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The last time I used an illegal drug was December 1995. For a time I flirted with alcohol but haven’t had a drink in over 3 years. The only legal addictive drug I’ve used is Valium. I abused it once since I had extra pills and it did nothing for me, didn’t even make me sleepy, so it’s very safe for me to use. Right now I’m only on 2mg a day.

The twelve steps work, there is more success with them than any other program. I’d say I was saved by going to meetings, sometimes three times a day and making friends there. They are very nice people.

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