hi everyone. i wished i returned to this forum more often. i’ve been extremely busy the passed months and haven’t been using my computer as much.
i have a girlfriend now. same job, same hobbies, same me- just with the addition of a woman i get to see and do things with often. i guess i should say before anything else that i love her and cherish the memories i’ve made with her. i wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.
but still, after everything, all my hard work, all my development, all the new people in my life- i still just feel completely alone. i fight this war completely privately because i don’t know how else i can; i hate life on meds, and i always disagree with whatever lousy shrink they give me.
i’m with family everyday, i see my girlfriend as much as i can, but no one is ever gonna really understand just what i put up with and battle against every single day. so, i feel like i should return here more. this is the closest i’ll ever get to finding some semblance of relatability
On topic though, I think visiting the forum is a good idea. I had the same issue, but now I feel a part of a community because of this forum and now consider many of the forums members as friends - it’s helped massively
You’re already doing better than you give yourself credit for.
I hanged out with a good friend today, he’s married and has a 7 yo daughter. They don’t live hand to mouth but not exactly thriving either.
But they never feel lonely, or lost, or hopeless.
As he hasn’t tasted illness to the same degree I have, his so-called problems pale in comparison. In the past when I mentioned suicidal thoughts or deep, crippling grief, he looked at me with disbelief.
Mental illness changes us radically. While it isn’t obvious to the onlooker, our minds drift farther and farther, until sometimes we completely lose sight of what normal life, normal feelings and thoughts are supposed to be.
I am sorry you are struggling with loneliness. For me an antidepressant helps with that. I wake up in the morning feeling not terrible, bacause I take cymbalta.
Very isolated. I’m home alone all day and since my dog past and losing my case worker I stopped going outside.
I have a new dog and I need to start walking him soon and I can’t do it. It’s been 6 mos.
My biggest challenge is overcoming the feeling of being watched followed and cameras surveillance when I have been out alone. And hearing people tell me they are watching me so I better not commit a crime.
My spouse is concerned and thinks I should go to day care facility but I object I don’t want to be around a group of people.
I understand completely its especially hard when your anxiety is cranked up to the max. It might help to walk the dog at night with partner for ten to twenty minutes to start off with and then gradually increase exposure therapy sort of thing. Personally i only manage a couple of hours a week and have severe anxiety so i know what its like
A lot of schizophrenics like me and @Kxev are treatment resistant and live with varying degrees of symptoms for years.
Please don’t be worried too much because its just treatment resistant schizophrenia
Ive known @Kxev for 2 years and not much has changed in the way of him finding it difficult to go out
happy you decided to hang out here more 