I never remember them. They just don’t come up unless I actively try to recall them.
I’m not the type of person who constantly thinks about the past or anything. Mostly I just focus on the day. There are very rare days where I don’t hear a voice and I forget I’m sick until halfway through the day. Those are great days.
And the delusions were fairly recent, when I was super sick in 2014 and 2015.
Hmmm you make a good point. I’m amazed I can use the forum daily without thinking about my previous delusions. I guess I’ve just partitioned my brain or something.
I do get flashbacks when I feel triggered. Talking to my SZ brother triggers me a lot and makes me “feel” delusiony. That is what brings up the memories for me, the feelings-based part of it, the tightness in your stomach. Just text on a screen does nothing to me for whatever reason.
I’m feel embarrassed when I remember my delusional thoughts. Some are difficult to shake. I don’t think about them daily anymore. I still do feel there are extraterrestrials and rarely I’m convinced telepathy exists. I still hear the voice of an ex-girlfriend from time to time. It’s part of living with the illness.
When I was really pscyhotic I bought syringes from the pharmacy to try to remove some of my blood a little at a time because I thought my blood was poisoned from food and drink. Fortunately, I did not know what I was doing and gave up on drawing blood.
I told the pharmacist I was buying them to give my dog shots.
I later tried to give plasma and the people there saw the marks and refused me to give plasma because I was “at risk”. Apparently they thought I was a drug user.