Acceptance or giving up (Vent thread)

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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So im noticing that i cant sleep without trazodone, but trazodone makes my apathy or avolition worse. Cant tell which.

But anyway, point is. Without both of the above. I cannot go back to work or study.

I’m definitely not a high functioning sz, so i csnt stop the meds snd control the symptoms on my own.

I know ulotaront is meant to be good for negatives becuase of its agonist nature snd the different receptor it targets - but that wont be for awhile.

I don’t believe lowering the dose of abilify from 15 to 10 will make a difference to my insomnia nor to day time somnolence and definitely not to the negatives.

It’s sad. That i cant havr the same journey as those around me. Eg. A career and family and goals of the same “standard”. This comparison as a result of thoughts when talking to others gives me suicidial ideation - not one I’ll act on. But it does get bad.

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How old are you? How long have you been sick? How long have you been taking APs? How many APs have you tried?

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27, since 20, taking AP this time since last year february. Altogether ive tried, olanzipin, resipirdone, quetiapinr and abilify.

Ive had to go off meds most of the time to have the energy to accomplish anything, like my jobs and degree.

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I don’t think you’ve been on meds long enough yet. Once you adjust to meds and find the right meds for you, your future prospects might change quite a bit. Don’t give up! You’ve only just begun

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You can’t give up! Even if you might not live the standard life you can still make a difference.

So accept what you have to and try changing what you can.

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My life is different but it’s worthwhile. It might not seem like much but talk to your doctor and maybe see if you can try 10mgs of abilify. You might notice a difference. It’s hard work but keep trying. Its worth it in the long run.

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No one is at first. You show all the signs of being capable of reaching that goal from what I can see.

:heart:

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I love you guys man, i was lowkey hoping everyone would ignore this thread and id just feel better letting the stress out. But encouragement is making me smile lots right now lol :face_with_hand_over_mouth::sweat_smile:

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FYI, you’re high-functioning. Not as high as you’d like obviously, but you are not giving yourself credit for some amazing progress.

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You tha man! Lets see what these drs can do for me mwaha :grin:

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Honestly, not as much as you will do for you.

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Im not even gonna pretend thst i dont. But i regularly remind myself of you for inspiration. I think i need to take on board more self introspection though. This advice youve given me before and it seems to take time but I’ll keep trying

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Schizophrenia is like being stuck in a car going down a hill too fast with crappy brakes. Your health professionals and medications are the guard rails that keep you on the road, but it sucks when you scrape against them. It’s going to have to be you that gets control of the vehicle and keeps it in the centre of the lane.

Not the greatest analogy, but it’s all my brain can cough out after reading too many policy wordings today.

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When things are bad, I feel like I’m in an escape room with no doors, just a window and bed.

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Same here. But the forum helps me.

And researching helps me too. Because it gives me hope.

Im looking at ziprasidone/geodeon atm, im starting to think aripirazole is sort of having a mixed effect in some ways. Such that the positives end up leading to negative effects.

I hope you dont go through a dark patch too often @Kxev

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The world wanting the entire world to run on neurotypical standards is just ableist af. We’re the same age btw- to be honest the neurotypicals want everyone to be like them. They just plain out ignore differences. The first choreographer that co-created Cats the musical was neurodivergent. She was the “odd one” at school until one doctor encouraged her to dance. That led her entire dance career. Now it’s one of the most famous musicals out there.

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Keep strong and keep trying.

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