So ive had sza bipilar type since i was about 16 or 17. Im 30 now and i havent had any psychotic or positive symptoms for about 3 years. And before that time 3 years ago it was probably a couple years when i had a previous episode. Its been like this since the beginning. Mostly fine for years and then life stresses or major things happening push me over the edge. And drugs too a few times.
Is anyone else like this? All i suffer from mentally is social anxiety and really bad numbness/apathy where i dont ever feel good or bad emotions almost ever. Im never really angry or sad or happy or affected by stuff. I have only cried once in the last few years. Anyway, im getting off track. Basically, is this usual for people with sz/sza? I pass as pretty much completely normal to most people. Aside from a flat affected face. But i fake facial emotions to fit in a lot. Like im acting a lot of the time.
My case manager uses the phrase āin remissionā for me. Anyone understand me? Im expected to work and make something of myself by pdocs and everyone. But the kind of work environments i can get into overwhelm me and i only last briefly. Ive had like almost 20 different jobs over the years. Absolutely hated every single one. I wish i could handle them better.
Thanks for listening if you read all that 
I am not in full remission Iām still very psychotic. But thereās nothing to do but try and overcome. I am on disability. I accept myself as I am now. And Iāll accept myself if I overcome And get to a point where I can support myself financially and form a relationship or marriage.Iām trying to put me in a win-win situation. I see support for all levels of situationās with schizophrenia on this forum. I mean I see support for those who are at the situation where theyāre on disability for life and I see support for those who are in a situation where they can support themselves financially and have meaningful relationships with others.
Try to move to disability.
Iām much the same. Present well but Iām a mess when it boils down to work and stress.
It sux. It probably wonāt improve so not sure the new rules because I presume they suck out here. Back in the day they were trying to move me away from disability.
Itās not going to improve so see how you go on that path and if you can do the ndis. I couldnāt get it but itās gold out here if you canā¦and itās dependant on your application and circumstance.
Hi,
I am considered high-functioning. Late onset (30), favorable evolution in recent years. 3 major episodes overall. Iām 40 now.
I work part-time, from home. It can get stressful but so far Iāve managed. I am not passionate about my work but I donāt loathe it either. It puts food on the table and allows me to get a feeling of normalcy.
I also have social discomfort and usually avoid people irl. Over the internet Iām much more relaxed.
My advice for you would be to work with a therapist or practice stress management techniques. In parallel, keep a journal of your thoughts and moods, and invest time to develop at least one meaningful hobby. Could be gaming, books, sports or a craft. It improves your well being and resilience.
Thanks yeah ive wanted to for years but all the pdocs ive seen and everyone says its a bad idea. That Iāll become lazy and have a worse quality of life. So frustrating! And recently i got a looking for work exemption form for centrelink from my pdoc so i dont have to apply for 12 jobs a month for a bit and it got declined by centrelink because āthe issues you are dealing with are not temporary, but are permanent.ā So i have to go on looking for jobs and having appointments to find work. Crazy! Doesnt make sense i know.
It seems hard to get on disability without the help of doctors or anyone?
Thanks. Yeah just gotta keep keepin on ay. I have to absolutely force myself to get into hobbies. But i do end up liking some books ive read, so thats a hobby ive got. But still gotta force myself.
I am going to try to taper off the meds soon so hopefully i can stay well off them and function better and not have this anhedonia and anxiety.
And yeah i need to see a psychologist again thats for sure! Haha.
Thats good. Its great you have come to accept yourself. Gimme some oāthat haha. Im 30 and havenāt come close to attaining that mindset. Thanks for the reply dude.
Go into bat for yourself and hit up your doctors. It sux royally and itās all about function. If you canāt stay at work then why arenāt you on disability? Yeah the system is against you but ask your dr. Itās still not good on the pension but itās better than the alternative on work cover.
Yeah i might ask again. Ive asked prefusely multiple times though. The whole ordeal feels demeaning. Pleading for them to accept i canāt work. Quite a few different pdocs too. Maybe i should try a private pdoc? 
Itās hard to compare illnesses and symptoms or what a typical case of schizophrenia consists of. I say this because it seems you want to know if the course of your illness is normal or like anyone elseās but everybodyās case is different although cases of schizophrenia can have things in common.
I got ill at 19 and was severely ill. I spent 8 months in the hospital. When I got out, I moved into a nice group home where I became stable. While I was there it seemed I would have three good months and then three bad months and it would rotate for a year. I told my dad that and he just laughed and said it doesnāt work like that. But itās true that most people go through periods of stability or their symptoms donāt seem so bad and then hit a rough patch and their disease starts acting up.
Schizophrenia is like the tides, it ebbs and flows; it gets better, it gets worse, it gets better. Yes, stress can trigger symptoms and cause a relapse even if youāre taking your medication as prescribed.
I was pretty stable in 1983 when I was 22 and got better, then 3 years later in 1986 I got addicted to crack and in 1987 I lost my job and my housing and other bad stuff happened. I had a relapse in 1988 which lasted a year. I was hospitalized several times. Then in 1990 I quit drugs and drinking and found stable housing and went to college. I made a friend and the next 5 years were good and productive. I moved out on my own in 1995 and lived the next 20 years in normal society and worked fairly steadily. It wasnāt until 2015 that I was hospitalized again when my mom died and it was too much for me. I stayed out of the hospital for 25 years.
So like I said, our cases are different but have some similarities too. I passed as normal for many, many years, it helped me work and do many other things. Iāve been pretty stable the last few years when Iām not worked up about my stupid neighbors. Yeah, passing as normal is a double edged sword, itās nice to be treated as normal and fit in and not have anybody think anything is wrong with you but then the expectations from around you are almost like, āWell, youāre so normal, you have to do everything normal people doā, which is work or go to school.
In a weird way, you canāt blame the people around you for expecting a lot out of you if you act so normal. They canāt see inside our heads and see how messed up we really are. You do what you can do. Iām sure youāre doing the best you can and just getting up out of bed every morning is an accomplishment.
Like Iāve been lucky with a good one who has gone into it for me but Iāve seen them since forever and heās pretty cool.
He still bulk bills me but that will probably change soon with this ridiculous health system we are building.
Donāt settle for second best so go into bat for yoruself. I canāt work hereās the problems as stress causes me problemsā¦always bring it back to function with the public health system. Itās bs you have to deal with it in my honest opinion but keep trying.
Thanks nick for the nice detailed reply. Your story sounds so fascinating. Yeah similar but different. And yeah its a struggle to do almost anything each day but manage to push myself and fight the good fight. I guess experiences with sz can vary as much as anything else out there. I think i needed to vent haha. And i cant quite get my words out as coherently in person as i can in text form. So this site is a pretty good place for it at times. Appreciate your thoughts man.
Cheers.
i used to pass as more normal than i do now. im in my 30s. ive never had a job. i can tell now people treat me different. like my mom went to the cardiologist with me and she told me āthey think your dumb and dont understand anythingā and she said thats why its good she goes so they wont dismiss me. dentists even treat me different i think. i dont really mind tho that people see me as weird or whatever. takes the pressure off of having to try really hard anymore to come across as normal. idc anymore. my social skills have gone to ā ā ā ā .
Iām in a similar situation I guess. Iām starting with a basically not paying stage next week for like 12-16 hours a week with 2-3 other guys planting stuff in a garden. I didnāt want to start back from working, and my social worker found me this after months of searching something suitable. Maybe you could try looking for something more manageable and with less pressures like this?
I think it is less that I am high-functioning SZ and more that I am someone high-functioning who also has SZ. I couldnāt handle a lot of pressure at the outset, but I can now.
Yeah thats good your comfy with being perceived as odd or whatever. I struggle with this still. I hate awkwardness and being seen as weird. Even though they are two of my main character traits haha. Im working on it though i think. Been starting to wear more eye catching clothes lately. More colour and showing more skin. I used to wear pretty much only way too oversized black clothes to sort of hide. I dunno if its all in my head or not but i think some chicks are giving me the flirty eyes and looks sometimes. So that boosts my confidence a bit. My gf seems to think its real haha. But she doesnt mind of course. Anyway getting off topic i think.
Yeah ive been considering volunteer work. Iād thrive in easy unpaid, meaningful work i think. But at the same time im in poverty because centrelink (unemploymemt pay) is too little and its always constantly a struggle to get through the fortnight. So i need a low stress paid job. Or finally be allowed to get on disability. Which in Aus is more than centrelink pay. Luckily my gfās mum lends us money often.
True. I was super super energetic and lively and fearless before sz and meds. Maybe those traits of mine are still there in the background a bit, helping me stay decently high functioning even with sza. And yeah there are plenty of people who dont have mental issues and are super low functioning daily.
i think it helps to see ur life as a comedy. and laugh aboutā¦thats what ive found anyway. like make fun of urself and embrase it
True thats a good idea. Sonetimes i try to treat life like a role playing game. Takes some of the immense gravity out of it. But a comedy is pribably an even better one. People seem to think im pretty funny. But i need to open up and feel comfy to let it out. And my gf is friken hilarious a lot.