What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
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Whatâs red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
There once was a man named Cass
Who had balls made of brass
In stormy weather they clanged together
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Both created by me!! Seriously.
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Why did Adele cross the road?
To say Hello from the other side! 
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Why donât seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then theyâd be bagels
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it
My lifeâŚ
I heard about this mother, one Sunday morning she went into her sonâs bedroom and she said, âSon, wake up. Itâs time to go to church.â
He kinda groaned and rolled over and said, âNo Mom, Iâm not going to church today.â
She said, âWhat do you mean youâre not going? Why not?â
He said, âMom, Iâll give you two good reasons. Number one, I donât like those people, and number two, they donât like me.â She said, "Son, thatâs no excuse.
Iâll give you two Better reasons why you SHOULD go. Number one, youâre fifty-nine years old, and number two, youâre the Pastor."
Three kids walk in very late to class. Itâs two boys and a girl.
The teacher calls them up to her desk and sternly asks the first boy, "Why were you late to class?"
He replies, "I was on top of Blueberry Hill.â
She asks the second boy the same question, âWhy were you late to classâ?
He answers, âI was on top of Blueberry Hillâ.
Finally she gets to the girl and asks, âYoung lady why were you so late to classâ?
She answers, 'Iâm Blueberry Hill.â
Why was the dumb blonds naval black and blue?
Because her boyfriend is a dumb blond too.
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Practical joke.
I desperately want to arrange to have a friend with a good sense of humor to leave âget wellâ balloons at my grave when I die. At my funeral.
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An oldie but a goodieâŚ
Q: What do you get when you play a Country song backwards?
A: You get your girlfriend backâŚyour car backâŚyour dog backâŚ
Still relevant!
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Did you hear about the truckload of viagra that got hijacked on the highway?
The police are looking for 3 hardened criminalsâŚ
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Who can expect stiff sentencesâŚ
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But prosecutors are not sure if it will stand up in court!
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Anybody want some updog?
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Which pet is sort of spiral shaped?Helix the cat
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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and smell!
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One time these three girls were dissatisfied with their bust size. So they went to the doctor, and he gave them some pills. He told them that if they took the pills they could be any bust size they wanted just by saying the number they wanted to be. The first one took her pill and said âThirty-sixâ. Poof! She was a perfect thirty-six. The second one took her pill and said âThirty-eightâ. Poof! She was a perfect thirty-eight. The last one took her pill and thought for a while. Then she told the doctor. âI canât decide what bust size I want to be.â He told her - These pills last twenty-four hours, but be careful, because any number you say during that time will make you that number. The girl said, âOkay, doc, thanks a million.â
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My brother used to say, âThe zebra I just shot.â
I have a dirties joke everâŚ
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The white horse fell in the mud.
1 Like