Silly Joke Thread

Q: What do you feed a woman to stop her from having sex?

A: Wedding Cake.

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What do you call a person from Mars?

A plumber, as they have a leak down there.

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Q : What’s brown and sticky?
A : A stick.

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https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=john+oliver+mental+illness

What the comedian says about mental health

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Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Don’t be ridiculous – Californians don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

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Q: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb? A: What, me move?

Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb? A: II

Q: How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb? A: A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb? A: One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

Q: How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb? A: Libras can’t decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They LIKE the dark.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb? A: One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb? A: The light’s fine as it is.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb? A: What light bulb? And finally…

Q: How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb? A: “Don’t ask me now, Mercury’s retrograde!”

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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

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I’ve had a burping problem the last couple of days… there is an unburped bubble of air stuck in my stomach. So I thought it would be a great oppurtunity to make fun of the Bible. I said “if Jesus was here, he’s say, ‘Come out of him!’ and the burp would plead, ‘Get away from me, Jesus Christ, Son of God’”

Needless to say, I got a few laughs here and there.

Also we went to an Asian wannabe PF Changs called Pei Wei. The food was overpriced and nothing special, so I said “Pei Wei too much for shitty food”.

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I like to smoke marijuaanaa! -excerpt from song entitled Marijuana in my Soul

Well is no joke… I like to smoke marijuana. But I figure silliness counts and if it shows at leas one crooked toothed smile then it’s worth it.

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Why did the computer forget it’s name? It was out of memory

Did you hear about the coffee cup who got robbed? It was mugged.

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A pirate walks into a bar.
Bartender: You’ve got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants.
Pirate: Arr I know and it’s driving me nuts!

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Helen Keller walks into a bar…then a table, then a chair…

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http://helenkellersimulator.org/

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Bwahahaha!

Did you hear about the sleepwalking nun? She was a roamin’ Catholic.

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Oh man… That’s just… just… gawwwd all midgety

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Damn those midgety gods. I assume you meant mighty? :stuck_out_tongue:

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No. I meant midget. :smile:

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I preferred Dr. Robotnik’s version of the insult in the old Sonic cartoon where he called Scratch and Grounder mental midgets.

A man goes to the train station with his wife and asks for a ticket to Libya.
The guy says there are no tickets to Libya available.
The man turns to his wife and says: Libya, there’s no tickets for you.

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