tired of working on my index finger every day so I can still play guitar…have to keep pushing it to bend or it gets worse. hopeful it will one day bend on it’s own. solved the mystery about taking care of our pacing dog by having the vet look at her. so that’s better. next month we are relying on my mom to make up for lost food stamps after this month. kind of a bummer but a blessing too.
First world problem?
The freezer situation with my roommate. This may seem like a small deal to people but it irritates me about 5 or more times a day. We got a new refrigerator but it’s smaller than normal size. It’s not one of those tiny refrigerators you keep in your bedroom or your office. It’s just a little smaller than a regular refrigerator and we have to share it 50-50.
Well, we both have stuff we want to put in the freezer section but he doesn’t split the space 50-50. He crams in a bunch of frozen meat, vegetables, leftovers ice cream etc. He stacks his stuff to the top but he also uses up about 7 or 8 inches of my side. His stuff spills over to my side so my food is crammed in their like a puzzle and it’s hard to get to and I don’t how many times there’s been a good sale on chicken or beef but there’s no room for it because he takes up most of the room. A lot of times.
Also, the freezer came without a rack/shelf in the middle. So both our food was piled to the top and if you wanted a steak on the bottom you had to rearrange your whole side and also since every inch is packed to the top food will often slide out onto the floor and it takes a couple of minutes to fit it back in so the freezer door can shut. It’s so irritating and it’s been going on for months. I asked him a few times to not put so much stuff in and to quit taking up my side but so far he hasn’t changed anything.
I thought a good solution was to buy a wire rack for a shelf off amazon so the freezer would be organized and neater. I asked the property manager if I could buy a rack and she said she was surprised the freezer didn’t come with a shelf and she’ll order one. Well, my roommate won’t get back for almost three more weeks and the manager brought the shelf to my apartment today and I emptied the freezer and defrosted it and installed the shelf. It was great, I put all my food inside and it fit neatly in half the freezer. Then I put his food in his half and it was neat and organized and he had exactly half the space. But then I noticed some more of his frozen food I had put on the table while I defrosted it. And the freezer looked perfect but to fit his stuff inside, I had to put some of it on my side.
And he won’t be back for three weeks and I use the freezer a lot and I will be inconvenienced 5 or 6 times a day because he has so much crap in there. It makes me mad because he’s totally in the wrong about this and it’s been an ongoing problem for months.
When he gets back I will definitely say something and make sure he doesn’t take up my space. He’s pushy with his stuff, in shelves in other parts of the apartment he encroaches on my space. I’ve said something a few times until he took his stuff out but I overlook it a lot because I get to take up a kitchen counter with my pressure cooker and spice rack so I feel funny about pressing the issue about space too much. His stuff dominates the bookcase in the living room which I will let slide for now, but the freezer situation has to change when he gets back. It’s been too long and it’s irritating.
I am sick of extremely high anxiety, every day for the last few weeks. Reasons for anxiety:
1. Having to See My Sister
- My dad is getting married in approximately 6 months (exact date is not set yet). I am super excited for him and his fiance. BUT, my sister will be at the wedding.
- I stopped talking to her and stopped seeing her back in May, 2021. She’s extremely toxic, very manipulative, unpredictable, AND she’s dangerous. If she’s in a certain mood or mindset, she will absolutely try to harm you if you are upsetting her. I’m really scared of her stabbing me, at the wedding. Or worse, her stabbing my husband, because (apparently) she blames my husband for why I am not talking to her.
2. Health Concerns
- I was told, by a doctor, when I was inpatient at the psych hospital recently, that I might have a really rare disease. Possibly one that doesn’t have a name yet! Awesome.
- I have way too many diagnoses, yet all of my symptoms are still not completely covered with the current diagnoses. Instead of a million things wrong with me, it could be just one major disease or disorder that is causing mental and physical disability. (Not counting my type 1 diabetes or asthma, of course.)
- My dystonic postures are getting much worse; I am often leaning (very noticeably) to the left. And my head is frequently leaning to the left (quite noticeably).
- My dexterity is getting worse and worse. It has hurt to use chopsticks for a couple of years now, but now it’s also painful to eat with a fork. I drop things constantly, fling things, toss things, flick things… etc… My hands do their own thing, just ruining stuff and breaking things. And I’ve noticed it’s getting harder and harder to pick up small things, like a pushpin. I was trying to put up a colored page (from a coloring book), with pushpins, and that was extremely difficult. I kept dropping them and I had a hard time holding them in the right position, to push them into the wall.
- There are many, many more things going wrong, but the dexterity issues are upsetting me the most.
- It’s been recommended that I go to the Mayo Clinic. My pdoc is in the process of sending a referral there.
3. Little Brother
- My brother was hospitalized on the exact same day that I was, January 18th. We were in the same hospital, but different units. He had a suicide attempt. And then when he got out, he tried talking to his GF about some problems in their relationship.
- Not sure what order the following events happened in: She called 911 and told them that my brother hit her. She pushed him really hard, making him fall backwards onto the glass coffee table, shattering it, and she bit his hand so hard that she punctured his skin, as she was trying to make my brother drop their dog (so that my brother couldn’t take the dog).
- Anyway, cops came to arrest my brother. But there wasn’t a mark on her and her made-up story made no sense. My brother got to tell his side. When the cops asked about the broken coffee table, he turned around and showed that his pants were all wet, from drinks that were on the coffee table when he was pushed onto it. Thankfully, the cops realized the situation was backwards from what the GF was claiming. She was handcuffed and arrested.
- Soooo… I’ve just been really worried about my brother. He is a really good guy. This relationship lasted almost 2 years. 2 years of abuse by her. And she took their dog, after it ended. So, my brother is trying to get a new dog. He was able to remove her from the apartment lease, so he moved back into his apartment and gave his ex’s stuff to my mom, who then gave the stuff to the ex.
- He seems to be doing OK. But I really worry about him. This was his second suicide attempt. First one was when he was 14. He is 24 now. It breaks my heart that his GF was abusive to him, their entire relationship. She had us all fooled. She even texted me for advice, several times near the end, and so I tried to give REAL advice. I think, now, that she just wanted me to say she’s right and he’s wrong. Just a really messed up situation. I feel like she was trying to turn his own family against him. I can’t really go into detail about that, but she was really good at manipulating people in every single way. My entire family fell for her games. But now it’s so clear what kind of person she is.
- And I am pretty sure she is going to fight back, for the arrest to be expunged. She is part of an extremely wealthy family who depends on a good reputation. The whole family witnessed her being led out of the apartment building in handcuffs (I guess she let them know that my brother was going to be arrested… but she’s the one who got arrested, and her family was there to see it.)
Life is rough right now. I’m taking Clonazepam way more often than I’d like to. I used to take it like maybe twice per month. Now, I take it almost daily (pdoc is aware), because my anxiety is just through the roof.
Sorry for such a huge comment. I started to vent and then… kinda vented too much.
Vent away! That’s what it’s for.
Same.
Honestly tho, nothing today is bothering me too much
Paranoid thoughts. Also having a partner who isnt as tidy and clean as me so im contantly doing most the housework. Grrrrrrr
The only thing that’s really a bother to me is being out in public spaces for a long time. It overwhelms me. Other than that nothing much bothers me.
Tried to go for a walk at lunch. Made it half a block and then turned back. The wind was sand blasting my face and it was painful. Still have grit in my eyes.
Sick of being poor. Its like a disease.
A traumatic one.
I must vent, I’m very nervous today…
1 I received a bills, and all I have to do is put numbers at paper.
I always do that wrong, so is this time…
2 Sleep in nights is awful. Weird traumatic dreams. I’m hesitating to go to sleep.
3 Broke…
I guess I could add my horrible, bizarre, nightmarish dreams I have every night to stuff that displeases me. Yeah- screw that crap!
I’m sick of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. This is healthy, that will cause digestive issues, blah blah blah.
I’m 43, I know what I can and can’t eat by now and I know my body better than others!
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