My mom went out last night with her friends to dinner and really tied one on. I called her shortly after 11 and could hardly make out what she was saying. She didn’t know where she was only that she had pulled over to the side of the road. Thank god for friends. I talked with our friend Heidi and tried to figure things out. Heidi said with how cold it is and the fact that she has alcohol in her system she could get hypothermia if she slept in her car.The other problem with sleeping in the car is the risk of getting a DUI even though she wouldn’t have been driving. She’s an Occupational Therapist and also could risk losing her professional license if charged with a DUI. Heidi was able to call her and get an idea of where she was at. We went and picked her up. It was quite the task to get her out of the car and into the passenger’s side and once we got home to get her in the house and to bed. I’ve asked her before to not drink and drive and she promised she wouldn’t, but obviously that didn’t last. I’m really mad at her friends that they let her drive in that condition. I want to confront her in the morning but don’t want to come off as preachy. I wrote her a letter saying how much I love her, how I was in denial when I had a drug problem, how I want her to go to just three AA meetings (I would go with her), and what the definition of alcohol abuse is. I hope she listens. I also have to miss my ECT appointment this morning because she was supposed to drive me. I’ve been anxious this whole night and don’t think I could sleep if I tried. I’m so worried about her…should I be a chaperone for my 56 year old mother…her designated driver? The stress is really affecting me. I could use some support and I don’t know who else to go to. I know this is not a schizophrenia related issue, but stress does affect my symptoms. I was so worried about her when I didn’t know where she was.
My father was an alcoholic and he drunk and drove…it was frustrating and annoying as my dads job depended on a licence…
But as regards your mother, keep being supportive and it would be a dream if she went to AA but I wouldn’t push it too much. I would keep offering her the lift…
That was a very kind a loving thing to do. Many people would start off by yelling and accusing. I think your letter was a very good idea. I’m glad your Mom has you in her corner. Let her know how worried you are about the fact that a slip up like this could cost her the job, the life she’s had. Being willing to support her and go with her to AA meetings is a nice thing to offer.
If she is in denial you might have to try an talk to your therapist for some ideas on how to maybe get your Mom to see she might need some help. I bet your Mom might be in denial. Being the parent and the one who’s looked after you she might deny there is anything wrong.
Another resource you have is the Buddhist group that your involved in. I’d say if there was one good friend or someone you’re mother trusted you could maybe just ask or broach the topic discretely.
I’d say chaperone if you have to. That way she’ll see your seriously worried about her. Plus, you’re presence there might encourage her not to drink as much.
As long as you make it clear that your motivated by love and concern not by a wish to control, it makes it very hard to argue and deny. Good luck.
I’m rooting for you.
Thanks for the responses @karl and @SurprisedJ. We talked and I read her my letter. She is very remorseful and shocked she drove like that. She doesn’t want to go to AA but is kind of seeing she might have a problem. It’s so hard to say she has a drinking problem because it’s not like when we drink we have fights or anything. It’s just that she has drunk and drove many times before and last night I can’t believe she got behind the wheel with how bad she was. We have a great relationship and she was very receptive to what I had to say. I don’t think I have a problem with drinking but I would be willing to stop to support her. @SurprisedJ I can’t believe that you remembered I’m a Buddhist. That you tucked me away in your memory like that…thank you. It always surprises me when I make some sort of impression on people. I feel so worthless and insignificant that it surprises me when people think of me. Thank you for the responses.
I hope your mom will be ok.
I remembered when you asked me what sort of buddhist I was. I didn’t even know there were different types. You inspired me to study.
if you feel its really affecting you AL anon is for family members of alcoholics.