I didn’t do a huge chunk of the assigned work for my online class. It was couched in a big paragraph in the syllubus. I did the other stuff it said to do but I didn’t know about that part until half way through the semester. I just messed around on line even after I found out because each section took forever and there were at least twenty. Probably more. I worked for 50min on one and didn’t make it through.
I’m just afraid that when I fail Mom’s going to get on her “get tough” thing. She’s stopped listening to my nervous fears and has just started saying things like “life’s tough”. That just scares me because with the ausburgers indicators, sza (depression), having suicidal fantasies almost every day of my life until four or five years ago, the crushing self hate, overwhelming feelings of inferiority, not to mention the fear that some day somehow the sz part will get me. That my medicines won’t work anymore…
And the medicine. She keeps saying stuff like “what would you do if we weren’t here” when she gets it for me. Doesn’t she think that I haven’t thought of that? That at least once a week I have an episode of crushing fear that one day I won’t be able to pay for them and it will be all over.
Is she trying to say it gets worse than this?