I have believed that I have no superiors and that no one is my boss and I think that’s how I was raised.
But my boyfriend is catholic and I would obey him mostly and am trying to embrace his religion and make it my religion even though my god is as more like Deepak Chopras beliefs kindof.
If I am a wanna be catholic I have to believe I have superiors as they believe the pope etc is superior and have Army like rankings which is far far from what I ever believed.
Maybe I believed in a equality.
I hate people talking down at me and bossing me about in a way I’m not ok with.
I was pretty submissive to my x and seem to be to my boyfriend too which is opposite my mum and my mum would be horrified of me doing as my man says but he bosses me in a way I approve of.
My mum is feminist too and not affectionate like me.
I feel torn perhaps now because I have had my religion be no religion but I believe in god and have same or similar beliefs to Deepak Chopra but now I might be a wanna be catholic to share religion with my man to unite us in and he took me to church and I thought it was beautiful and I cried.
I just think what a cruel god to allow hell and not just for a short punishment but for eternity.
Deepak Chopra doesn’t believe in such a god.
Can I believe in such a god and if I did believe my loved ones would go to hell and me too perhaps.
So I am a wanna be catholic thinking of converting but a part of me isn’t .
I feel torn about “authority” because I have always believed that I have no superiors and no one should boss me about supress me talk down at me etc
Why am I then “submissive “?
I would obey my boyfriend and do anything to keep him .
I pretty much obeyed my x until I wanted to go vegan and he said f uck off if you go vegan so I left.
Why did I do what he said ?
He is a great leader and I was happy doing what he asked and assisting him.
Because I’m trying to be catholic I’m trying to allow people considered superiors to be in high regard but I have a delusion that I’m everyone’s b itch and tied up in invisible restraints.
My mum may be horrified at how I am but we are different.
My mum would never curtsy for the Queen but I might out of respect and traditions and ritual not saying I’m less than her…
Authorities is perhaps a issue for me.
They have been very good to me lately.
I got my pension that helps me and they have behaved well and good to me so I appreciate that.
I love the “authorities “ at the moment.
I’m trying to believe in Jesus and be a good Christian and then become catholic maybe to be in sacred Union with my boyfriend.
I’m trying to change my belief in a way.
So I think I’m a bit torn about such things but I don’t feel badly treated.
In Sweden I was looked down at with hate but not here.
Thankfully!