First, let me say that I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time.
If you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else then you need to seek medical attention. This is not a crisis line, there is nothing we can do to help you. Also understand that threads like this place an enormous burden on the other members of the forum. I’m going to lock this thread.
Once again, if you are in danger of hurting yourself, please seek medical attention.