I have to show my respect by going to this funeral/ wake. Some family members haven’t seen nor heard from me in years… I wonder if my x will be there…or if my father’s wife will make an appearance. I can’t say nothing to her. For a handful of reasons I need to avoid her. I don’t want to disrespect my dad by disrespecting her. Hell I don’t even want to ruin the day ,. It all comes down to me coming home after everything .
I am going sober because that’s the right thing to do. I have a new black/ grey outfit to wear. I might be walking in alone because my older siblings don’t move with the quickness. It starts in 2.5 but I have to get there in a hour and thirty minutes from now. Hopefully my x won’t be there, cuz…idk she’s not even family but she’ll linger around…oh please don’t bring your mom,or your bf. Possible early paranoia. She still has that oop but came by to see me. Early paranoia,I feel like she’s out to get me and her dad😉
Good luck little brother…im sure your father and ancestors are smiling on you…dont worry bout the petty assholes just do right by your dad…you can roast them later…
I made it home. There will never be a day like this again. Today changed me and matured me.
Family from different states came for the funeral today. I am really distant or was distant but today brought me way closer to my family. Cousins I haven’t seen in I don’t know how long. Cousins that I didn’t know I had . Well I can’t reflect the whole day like I want to. But I really believe this has been the best day this a year. Very emotional but I kept my composure. Even though I felt thexurge to cry seeing family and friends. I felt like our grandmother really brought us close…idk it was deep.
Well done getting through the day Flower! And for taking the positives out of a bad situation.
Thanks,that really meant a lot🔅
It’s nice when you get a good one!
Jayster
Hug tight, Flower. I’m so sorry for your loss and proud of how you’ve handled yourself. You have a stem that bends in the wind but doesn’t break 
@Rhubot thanks that means a lot too. I ( definitely) just heard my grandmother as I was (just )falling asleep. Words couldn’t describe how I feel
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