I think I may have been in this trap for a while
Would be worse I guess if I just did not care
I also think self sabotaging is a mistaken term
It harms people around you to
Trauma locked - can’t see safety or fear other choices ∧ chooses what they know.
I had to quit a job I really wanted due to me getting in my own way. I let a stressor consume every minute of my mind, took a couple months of leave, and I just hit a wall (metaphorically) and couldn’t seem to do the work any longer. I did the work for a year, and then all of a sudden it became the scariest job I had. There was zero danger. I used to work with explosives for goodness sake.
There was a good bit of self sabotage. I can’t completely blame my illness, I just lost the will to do anything, not just the job. For a while I lost the will to live.