Some negativity about my life

Lounge
1

I feel awful. I know my dreams will never be fulfilled.
Like, as a kid I had thousands of dreams. To be a singer (very not talented mentioning singing), to be a president,(not possible for 99.99percentage of population) to be famous (even till this day I tried achieving this, but I never was a main one, or noticeable one)), to be ballerina,(my body is not suitable for that) to be lawyer (grades were too low after psychosis))… Non of them are possible for me.
At age 13-15 I wanted to go to army or police. Boom, psychosis, it closed all the doors.

I had one last dream. To be a writer - which is very unreasonable, unrealistic and most of times not achieved in my country. Like, 0.1% of all writers can live from writings. I write good in my native language, but actually for me it’s waaaay to far to be a writer.

Then, I thought maybe relationship with men will succeed! No, they do not succeed, because I am a terrible girlfriend.

My whole life I thought I am so cool, so amazing - that everything will be simply FINE. It was one of the biggest mistakes to do. I simply don’t know how to do most basic stuff, such as cooking, cleaning - I thought they’re not necessary for me! I thought men simply love me, while in fact larger proportion men of which I knew just used me.

I literally hate my childish brain. I thought about life as the opposite from what it actually is.

Just not long time ago I started realising I really need this diploma of masters - it’s one of the last possible ways for me to have a career… :frowning: I am really not super duper smart, talented or skilled. I am also still on meds, on probably I will be on them, or maybe no, I am quite not sure at the moment.

I know there are worse cases mine. I even know, that the fact that I am an idealist, perfectionist is burning me. I really need to accept it the way it is. Most people don’t even overthink such stuff! They simply live and enjoy their lives which is very unlikely to happen for me. i don’t know how to enjoy life without achievements

7 Likes
2

You’ll find your way. It doesn’t help to put too much pressure on yourself.

You can be a good writer even if you can’t live off of it. Maybe start writing 30 mins a day on a book.

You don’t need a Masters to be successful btw. For most careers it’s not necessary.

1 Like
3

Well… I believe I will write only a diary now.

Dreaming of writing book was very connected with my egoism. I wanted to be famous, rich author. It’s very very unrealistic.

I tried sending my writings to some publishers and people which are good at writings - and they told me it’s not bad, but not enough for book. I mean, I probably truly could be a copywriter, but not a rich author. I try to stay realistic now.

About masters… I believe it will be helpful for me to finding a bit better job. I know it’s not necessary, but with my last experiences with jobs, I believe in my case it’s kind of necessary.

And, @Jonathan2 you are great person. Big thanks. This support helps me :slight_smile:

1 Like
4

I get it, I really do. I struggle with similar thoughts and feelings, but one thing that has helped me was finding friends that uplift you, and want to see the best outcome for you. Of course it’s completely contingent on how much you decide to share with them.

Ecclesiastical communities also can help, but it’s up to you how much time you put into them, whether they’re ecumenical or not, superstitious or not, or simply degrading. But most churches here in the US are understanding of mental illness I’ve found. And the best part is that it’ll help a lot with hope and wishing for a better future.

Overall, I wish you the best, you seem very intelligent and I’m sure you can write a book in your native tongue. Just gotta keep swimming so to speak.

2 Likes
5

You’re still young and have a lot of possibilities.

You are way too young to be giving up already.

5 Likes
6

That’s very true. Friends are necessary part of our lives… sadly, I am not communicating a lot with my girls now- I am almost ((most of the time)) a first to start a conversation. I am tired of this,
Good thing is, my mom changed. We have some ugly moments in our past, but now she is super supportive. She really wants me the best and support my every decision.

Very big thanks for supporting, @John_Raven
I still would love to write, but maybe not a book… it’s really risky and a most of the times unsuccessful. I have this idea to be a copywriter. Maybe one day it will change, and I will start writing a book… I’ll try to be more positive

1 Like
7

Maybe I burnt out after breakup. I feel it will take time for me to heal, but they say time really helps.

I will try to relax and to not put so much pressure on me.

1 Like
8

You goals just have to be realistic… I use to want to be the best and know how to do everything but when I started actually taking some of the stuff more seriously I realized a lot of it comes down to putting in the work …

If you want to be good at something it’s not gonna come free. You have to pick things that you love and have some natural inclination towards…then It’s about putting in the work… Most people are not born with great skill coffee… they paid the price :smirk:

I want to have this conversation with my son… Nobody talked about the insane amount of time and energy most people who are good put into there work

1 Like
9

I felt this way when I was younger. So much pressure. I was always trying to figure out something to do or a way to become something. I’m 37 now and pretty much just want to stay fed and off the streets for the remainder of my life. I got some money now though, my own place, family, friends, and enough to keep me busy. Still in the back of my head would like to be something or get a degree(if I’m not gonna use it what’s the point). I can read books if I feel I need to be educated. Really what I’m looking for is something to get good at. Something I’m passionate about that I can grow with. It’d help be part of my identity as well. This is just me though. If you need a job and want to go that route go for it. You got nothing to lose. It is true though that any kind of talent or skill mainly comes down to work. You gotta put in the work.

1 Like
10

Well anyone can be a writer.

You just need a lot of grit and determination, and not be let down by any rejection notices.

Look at this way, Hubert Selby Jr. once said he chose to become a writer because he “Knew the alphabet.”

It’s as simple as that.

You’re still really young too. Give it time to know yourself better.

1 Like
11

ive kinda given up on my previous dreams. tbh all i want now is to live comfortably at home and not experience any more loss

1 Like
12

Just focus on getting you a source of income and then you can do all your dreams as hobbies hopefully.

2 Likes