Should I even tell someone I am dating about it?

Health and Recovery
1

TLDR; I am fully recovered- should I just let the past be behind me? Should I ever tell anyone about it? I once told myself that if I ever recovered, I would never tell anyone I met.

So I have started dating a guy. He lives three hours away and just left. We had sex three times this weekend and it was his first time, and I really like him, I feel for him, and he said he really likes me. I told him I have an anxiety disorder, which I do, but I didnt tell him that I have schizophrenia and have been in remission and stable for over a year now.

But I wonder if I even should.

As long as I take my medication, I am fine. I really am recovered, a fraction of people diagnosed fully recover with medication, and I am in that fraction of people, and I know I am lucky to have survived schizophrenia. I know how much it sucks and how it ruins lives and is a waking nightmare. I was psychotic for nearly two years. I was functionally recovered a year ago but still psychotic to a lesser degree, by winter break last year I was not psychotic at all. In the fall of 2013 I got on my current meds and have been 90-99% symptom free, nerves and stress make my symptoms fluctuate.

I am very muscular. I do not look mentally ill at all. I know my ■■■■ about weightlifting and nutrition. I do very well in school, I am on a full scholarship and in my junior year studying psychology.

I apparently do not appear mentally ill at all because I just spent friday afternoon to just an hour ago with this guy and he had no clue I was schizophrenic.

I have made the mistake of telling people I date too soon about it. It scares them away. I dont want to scare this guy away. I really have feelings for him.

I just don’t know what to do. The other people I have been intimate with put me in the friends with benefits zone, mostly likely because they knew about it.

TLDR; I am fully recovered- should I just let the past be behind me? Should I ever tell anyone about it? I once told myself that if I ever recovered, I would never tell anyone I met.

2

I’d tell them, you’ll have to tell them sooner or later. If its not apparent than they shouldn’t mind it.

3

Tell him. I knew before my BF and I got together that he was SZ diagnosed and at the time (8 mos ago) he too had been stable for more than 2 yrs, then he had some stressors and he became less stable. If I didn’t know he was diagnosed SZ, I would have thought he was a player who had used me (I too lost my virginity to my BF) and wouldn’t have been so easily able to understand and separate his symptoms from who he is had I not known. SZ is unpredictable even when properly managed, if you want this guy in your life and you can see him being a true partner for you, he’s got to be informed from the very beginning.

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4

I am glad you found somebody. I have not found anybody in 15 years. I would not tell him, because I know how people might react.

5

Thats just it, in a perfect and understanding world, it would be fine to tell those you are dating right away about your diagnosis. The stark reality of it all is that there seems to be a few neurotypicals who would truly understand what the schizophrenia diagnosis really means. I personally would tell those you are dating after there is a real bond between you both, a trusting connection between you both. You dont have to wait years or even a year to tell - I personally would do it as soon as things start to get serious - let him know who you are first without mentioning your diagnosis - this will make things easier for him or her - taking things kind of slowly but steady is the way to go here.
You run the risk of intimidating him if you open up too soon. But in a while I would tell him - I mean eventually he should know

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6

If things have been going well for a while it should be fine. Just reassure them that you are fine and it isn’t as severe anymore. They should understand, after all it’s a label, what matters is how you act

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7

You need to tell him at some point, because when your in the middle of a relapse in front of him you don’t want to lose him the same day. It is tough, but we have to walk the line.

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8

Thank you all for the advice. I will tell him in time. Maybe the next time I see him, maybe the third time.

9

that’s true. I guess I should tell him but not right away.

10

maybe just say you used to have a chemical imbalance. sounds less alarming

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11

my parents dont tell my close relatives, (grandparents,or aunt uncle etc) that i have schiz, they just say i have a chemical imbalance or bipolar because thats a little more well understood and,
because a lot of people dont really know what schizophrenia or schizoaffective even is and end up thinking your just a wackjob. I told a couple close friends a long time ago, and they got a bit scared for a couple months but then realised im the same person still.

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12

i like what you said,but i had other opinion,i would tell him only when i feel the time is right,if you tell him from the very beginning most people would be scare and walk away from you because they cannot understand about the illness

@mortimermouse,your indeed a very lucky person to be functioning like a completely recovered person,you should be thankful everyday and good luck to your love lifes

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13

First off, congratulations on finding someone who you have some serious feelings for. It sounds like the beginning of the type of relationship you were hoping for.

I have a vastly different view then my brother on the decision to reveal any diagnosis.

Where as my brother will almost introduce himself as Sz before he tells you his name, I don’t always see the need for discussing ANY medical condition during the primary stages of getting to know each other.

I’ve seen too many closed doors and misconceptions quell some of my brother’s opportunities. I’ve also seen my brother’s bravery incite deep respect and regard in others.

Of course the best answer is follow your instinct for each person and situation. As circumstances change, the call to reveal will change with it. Only you know with in yourself when the right time is.

Thank you for letting me post

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14

Lol that relationship went bad then two of my friends went to jail and I quit smoking and I relapsed and have been like 80% symptom free since then. I’ve been told that relapses and full blown episodes cause permanent brain damage. Guess I’m evidence of that.

But hey, 20% psychotic is not that bad. I mean it is that bad but I still function and am healthy physically and socially. I do really well in school. Knowledge makes sense to me- when science and research bring me to reality I do well to stay there. Science is the method to my research (psychology thesis) and I am looking at clinical PhD programs, which is science. Psychology is really a science these days, the graduate degrees are labeled as sciences but the bachelors is labeled an arts degree.

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