Felt happy cooking dinner and rationalised my thoughts being my own upstairs.I was in the kitchen when it happened, my mother was beside me. Began to feel like I was a danger to her like I was gonna have thoughts of murdering her. Then I thought of hospital and how the doctor said this was just intrusive thoughts, (I also thought maybe the IRA implanted this thought to save me, I believ they were only trying to scare me because I had rationales my way out of it upstairs previously) I wasnāt planing it. This was either an escalation or my own nerves about feeling guilty for feeling good and normal. Ownie the āthought voiceā was trying to convince me I was planing it even though I wasnāt .
The thought voices also tried to convince me that it wasnāt the IRA making me hear voices possibly because they didnāt want any link to any murders I do in the future. My own fear was that with th e IRa there is an element of co ntrol to it but with the Americans they are worse than that
I donāt think itās one of those thingsā¦ he really is a trigger to me.
His voice, his movement, his words, his looks his motions, makes me anxious and makes me feel sickā¦ I canāt control itā¦
I donāt think itās a normal reaction to people
Had a good day. Decided that I need a different volunteer opportunity to the one I chose.
So will search tomorrow. I have one in mind. I just need to check out the team there if I feel okay volunteering with them.
I also now think that my violent posts on here was me being controlled by the IRA to sound violent so no one will ask questions if they do make me murder someone in the future. The cops will look back on this and see I was capable of violence
Iām up in my room while sitting on the recliner with a blanket over my head. I like the warmth and the darkness aside from the light from my Kindle as it gives me a sense of safety and comfort. Itās the kind of stuff you see in the ward but oh well. Iām not quite ward material yet.
-S
I told you the other day that before I started meds I thought I was going to kill my mother.
I knew how it would have gone down too: a knife in the kitchen
Do you have thoughts of how you would kill your mother? Or is it just impulses to kill?
Mine were impulses.
@Abise I got you. I thought you meant you just didnāt get along. Sounds like thereās a lot more going on there. My mistake
122y.o. smoking, this is the power of genetics. She could have lived longer if she didnāt smoke.
I donāt have impulses to kill nor do I want to kill my mother. I think thatās sick and evil
You just said you were thinking of murdering her.
You need to go to the hospital.
For the millionth time, YOU ARE a danger to your family.
If theyāre not putting you in the hospital, thatās because youāre not being honest.
This is getting really frustrating.
Iām afraid that Iām a dangerous person. Psychopaths donāt have remorse nor do they fear doing evil things
You are a dangerous person.
Go to the hospital and get help before you hurt somebody.
I never said I didnāt hear voices anymore and Iāve certainly never done or said anything to @roxanna.
I like her and respect her.
Honestly your remarks arenāt even worth addressing because youāre completely out of touch and totally wrong.
I hope you get help before you kill your family.
Whatās going on ? Did I say something wrong?
No, @roxanna,
You didnāt do anything.
@anon47167357 is acting up, thatās all.
I donāt know why he tagged you.
Ah I see.
quasall
Quasall to you!
Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.