I have a life. I work full-time (although the temp job will end soon 
) so I am applying for a permanent job. I’m also finishing up my master’s degree. I have a boyfriend and I work out at the gym. I have dinner with a friend once a week and keep up with other friends through apps and social media. I’m hoping I get to move out of my parent’s house in a few months. I don’t have that much of a life, but it is a busy one.
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I’m barely surviving anymore. basically going through hard times am pretty depressed really. Am lonely and my physical and mental health are not good. I feel very isolated and am in bed most the time. I try to belong but it seems like I always mess up and say the wrong things, i feel very insecure about myself and situation presently. I guess it is my paranoia that is the hardest, trusting and such. Thinking people are out to get me or hate me and feeling physically sick, sometimes it’s unbearable.I hardly leave the house at all. Feel like I should be in a home or something. I think back to the better years and I miss them so much.
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I actually do not know. I have to work to pay my bills. If I did not work then I would just go to the gym every day and have a very relaxed life. But I am not granted that.
They think I can work. So I have to work. How annoying I think it is.
I just want everything under control but apparently that is not possible because I do not have my mental health under control.
I also live in an environment of people who have always worked so if I do not work then that is condemned.
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I miss them too so much
I’m just surviving. Meds have never done too much for me. I have one or two people that I talk to from support group, but in the sense of someone I can hang out with, I don’t have any friends. I want to look into something social where I can hang out with people like me and maybe get a girlfriend. IDK if either of those things will happen or not. The false hypoglycemia from my diabetes is a big barrier to working. My back problems are almost as big of a barrier. I’m not even sure if I can build up a tolerance for working to be able to work 10-15 hours a week. My brain has been a bit different ever sense I had my first big hypomania or mixed state episode in the Summer of 2016. Not sure which it was.
I wish I could be almost anybody but me.
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I’m developing a life but right now I’m just surviving
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Free proteins 
Always surviving, or in other words, the next thing to being a gonner. see ya.
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