Sorry if this post is dumb, but this happens sometimes here…
Yeap, my sister always claimed, that I am way prettier than her, but this currently makes me feel bad… Paranoid maybe idk… Guilty? idk, maybe…
Well, I was so ill for so long time, that its scary probably… I was also very limited because of the illness… I lived with suicidal ideation and nothing more than this since I am 10 years old… Then, I lived with it, plus mostly paranoid thoughts… yeah, scary…
Now I have this bunch of somatics too… And when my sister told me this, I felt badly 
…
She also knew me always ill since my birth and once she said in my back, that I am a zombie… She is very energetic person too, I sometimes have problems communicating with her…
Well, I guess its a sister thing 
But I just hope my sz will get a bit more relieved one day, am a bit tired today from all this…
I guess I am surfing on unpleasant feelings now, isn’t it?..
Well, I am still on the 7,5 mgs of Zyprexa, plus the bigger dosages never helped those kind of feelings… guilt, shame, paranoia, all this since the diagnosis…
I want to try to beat them with efforts, but lets see…
My sister is prettier and more intelligent than me but we’re different people so I don’t really care. I think it also comes with age. I’m 43 and don’t care if I’m fat. And I don’t care if I’m pretty and I don’t care if men like me or not.
I was an honorary graduate from my high school. I’ve helped a lot of people. Just random people and I gave birth to two babies.
ok, cool… I am sure you are quite intelligent too… Tbh, I complex now, that I am intellectually disabled when the others compliment me… I suffer still, you know…a lot… All my ill friends had something in life, while me, I have to deal currently to not be paranoid in order to be able to sit calmly on the couch… I deal with soo many bad stuff, that I am really a sick person and quite alone the most of the time…
Its sad I had to endure this without being able to talk for decades… When I first saw my pdoc, I wasn’t able even to complain or to talk… So they tried on me for ten years every possible med with no success… anyway…
I wonder now just if i’ll do it on 7,5 mgs of Zyprexa…
So should I keep the lower dose besides some passage feelings like this? Somatically its better like this also by some moments…
I mean I should take some pain too with this diagnosis, isn’t it? I was in pain on the 10 mgs, believe me…
My sister was meaner than ■■■■ to me growing up. She’d tell me frequently how ugly I was. I rarely talk to her now even though she lives ten miles away. At 36 my priorities have changed and I cut a lot of people out who caused me undue stress.
If you were uglier than homemade sin I’d still be your friend.
I think it’s age too @Loke. I don’t care if I’m pretty, slender, intelligent, or admired by men and women anymore because I used to be pretty, slender, intelligent, and admired by everyone. I had my day.
Oh, I always admired my sister, ya know In fact, she went a bit away from my life and suffering, but she told me once, that its cause she has one life… But its my sista still She teched me many things, who made me a cooler person now lol I wasn’t raised only by my mom, but also by this character of my sista . I wish we had better relationship with her, but I struggle even to talk, so its difficult. But she is still by Bella Hadid lol 
.
I am just bad at taking compliments I guess.
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