I was reading back over my posts, and I have had SO many bizarre delusions that I 100% believed…KNEW…to be real. I get back on meds and feel better. I stop taking them because they make me fat. Isn’t that the worst reason? and then I go bat sh** crazy again. This time, I want to stay on them. I really do. I do not want to go back to the hospital again. 13 times in 9 years! from 3days to 3 weeks I am in there. the usual is 2 weeks. Sometimes, when I leave, I am medicated but still delusional as crap. This is the first time since my first episode in 2015 that I have no inserted thoughts. I still believe I have a special connection, but I think it is more fantasy than delusion. Is this just a lunch break? Am I going to lose it again? When I am gone, I am GONE. Please let me stay sane…
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Story of my life. Except I was in the ward 5 times the last time they done ECTs on me every other day
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