I've learned what i am


what i am is a tortured soul.

it doesn’t help at all, i remain the same. but it’s good to know your place in the world.


Knowing yourself is a key step in opening the door to a better world and a better place in life and how you’re feeling.


nar man, maybe it is for some i dunno.

knowing myself, may bring some peace, so i can stop trying to be what i want.

to me, i always thought that my problem was not accepting who i was.

hmm who knows


There are really bad things in this world, I would never argue against that. And schizophrenia is definitely on the top of the list. But often times we suffer more not because of outside circumstances but because of our own perceptions. Trying to shrink my world when I’m feeling like it is too much for me, finding a calm, quiet place where I can just exist for a moment and not worry about the other stuff, really helps.


I only experienced peace of mind recently, the other day.

My mind is so ■■■■■■ up.

But I found some peace.

wow i found a little peace, good for you frings


Remember discretion is the better part of valor. Knowing when you might need to retreat a little to get stronger is a good thing. Don’t feel like you have to take the world on by yourself all the time.


Me too @frings! :kissing_heart:


I heard the term “haunted” once and it resonated with me. I feel haunted…


That’s a good word, or ‘possessed’ I feel possessed by something. I mean, I don’t feel like my thoughts are my own.


@Hedgehog @frings Yes. That’s exactly right.


What’s your understanding of exactly what you are as in what a soul is? Do you use the word “soul” for the word “mind,” or…?


This video is interesting. I’ll explain. Everyone for thousands of years saw them themselves as one thing, and therefore one way. Scientists never saw themselves as those things. They saw themselves as what they could verify with scientific methods, so they be saw themselves another way.

It’s interesting to see both ways; the ancient people’s way and the modern logicians, philosophers, and scientists way.

At one time I wanted to see myself one way, and I worked very hard to see it that way. I became messed up, and when I found that I could see myself another way which would be the “modern logicians, philosophers, and scientists way,” I did not relax. I worked just as hard to see myself this modern way, and one thing I found was I had worked hard to see what I am from the ancient tribesman beliefs. Because I believed in the beliefs of the ancient tribesmen, I saw myself in the exact wrong way. I even saw everyone else in the exact wrong way and the universe itself. When I came to “consciousness,” I didn’t need tribesmen words to make me morally well, but rather it was the tribesman words that made me destroyed. I could clearly see that I was destroying myself because I had wanted to believe I was what the ancient words said I was.

I find that we’re believing words, and if the words were nowhere to be found, we could never see ourselves their way, and the result would be that we would not be miserable the way that we become because we would not believe anything was wrong if words didn’t say anything was right to begin with.

It’s like this. Let’s say your in a sports family, and you missed another goal. You dad and all his friends are cursing you out from the sideline, and it’s going to be a bunch of BS all the way home and for the next year. So you feel miserbal.

But what if we took those words and symbols away? The dad and guys can’t say anything. They don’t know any words. The field can’t be marked because there was never a ball game symbol ever made on the ground before. There’s not even a symbol of a funny looking ball.

You can’t feel bad this way because you can’t lose at a game or to a person that never had the words to say you lost in the first place.

No words = no loss = no misery

When I am miserable, I remind myself that I have made up a whole different fake reality in myself from words and symbols, and then I lost to my own rules, but had I never made up these rules because maybe I never had heard the words I heard and read before making up those words, I would never be losing anything. There would be nothing to lose at! :slight_smile:

Here’s that video. It’s by Brian McVeigh who’s a great psychologies in the Bicameral Mind areas of study which is based on Julian Jaynes, the originator of the Bicameral Mind study.


Watch this video to get a grasp of what the scientists such as McVeigh and Jaynes and myself in on an amateur level see. This is a tribe in the jungle that has never been contacted by modern people. They have always been in the stone age, and they’ve never even heard of copper let alone steel. They’ve never deviated from their “feral” ways for millions of years we can presume as though they were simply another wild species the same way.

What you will see when you research “first contact” videos with tribes people is that they are having what are religious manias.

This is something similar to the way that modern people with these apparent manias or rather the exact opposite in severe depressions for seemingly no reason. It’s the bicameral mind.


I tried to play your song on my phone but it wouldn’t download or something. What is your genre?


Hey! I was able to listen to your music. It is very good


Thank you! I’m trying to find some new riffs i can write sogs out of. Been jamming out in the garage and putting it on my phone recorder to scan the recordings for ideas.


I really believed I was possessed and went through an exorcism many years ago. So, I don’t like to use the word possessed anymore. :joy:


DMA I just mean soul as myself, I have a lot of intrusive thoughts which are mostly painful and they torment me.


Do you spend a lot of time alone? I’m alone today and feel that solitude sucks. It’s stressful being alone without something to fill the void. I used to to that with beer, but now I can’t. Is there someone you can get together with? It may help; just a guess.


I do spend a lot of time alone Borath, my CPN suggested I try a ‘befriending service’ and I might give it a go.