Schizophrenia.com

I wasn't developing

Did you notice at some time in your childhood, that you weren’t maturing like your classmates? I did and I was miserable.

I did when I was 12. It was like I missed the entire show somehow. I didn’t understand what happened, everyone just grew past me. Had boy and girlfriends. Went to disco. I just didn’t get it.

You know exactly how I felt.

It was when everyone started dating and I wasn’t. I just thought I was gay. Somedays I was too hyper to notice. Other days, I couldn’t figure out why I just didn’t seem to be doing what kids my age were doing.

The locker room talk turned exclusively to sex at one point and that for some reason just didn’t interest me.

My band stand partner got pregnant and I felt like a different species.

I developed sexually quite late. The first time I had a sexual intercourse was in March 1987, when I was 19 years old. I went to Moscow, the USSR and there I met one Olga with whom I had this sexual intercourse.

Yeah, I can relate to all of this. I saw certain people I knew around my age make amazing changes and I felt I stopped growing and never matured. I saw people who had been bullied when they were younger, get confidence. I always thought that I got left behind. It still seems when I deal with people my own age that they are the adult and I am the kid.

I stayed behind on purpose. In the sixth grade I made a pact with my friend that we would never like boys. The same night we brought a frog in + put it on cafeteria table. I stuck to my word.