Ninjastar, you sound like me.
trigger warning
I have a rare genetic mutation. Well, it’s common among rare genetic mutations. I feel like I’m genetic garbage, too. I shouldn’t have have made it through infancy, (or birth i was born sickly and unconscious and two weeks early wouldn’t have made it without an incubator, good ole late '1970’s medical tech.) in fact many who have the same mt 3243 A to G mutation i have, don’t make it past young adult hood. I feel like i should be grateful, but i’m not. I don’t have a future like most people have.
I also lost a friend to “a sudden heart attack” at age 35, the same day i had my 2nd MELAS syndrome stroke like episode, more or less due to chemo treatments for Hodgkins lymphoma which left him with alike 10% lung capacity since he was 20. And i also lost another friend to bipolar disorder. I felt like i failed her as a friend despite saving her twice, I had listened to her over the about how hard things have been for her from at least 10 pm to 2 am until she put down her bottle of pills, all while i had been going through my plain vanilla depression, this was just months before she took her own life. Her meds didn’t work or took too long to kick in. But since i knew she was suicidal, i didn’t do anything other than to listen to her. It’s been hard to learn that there’s really nothing i could have done. She had plenty of stays in the hospital which were getting shorter and shorter. Her first “hospital” stay for a suicide attempt she there for 3 months. She had spent one day hospitalized for trying to jump infront of a train, 2 weeks before she offed herself in October 2014.
I’ve gotten better at leaving situations after a bad reaction to Keppra, an anticonvusant i was put on after 4 back to back partial seizures in November 2015. Paranoia and avoidant personality disorders do wonders for that lousy side effect though. Kinda mjorly sucks. Do your homework on meds. Google "side effects and interactions (plus the name of whatever meds you are on.) " I recently qut FB due to paranoia of hackers. Plus it was eating time and mind. 20 hours a day of FB meant 4 hours of sleep. Now i’m up to 7 hours. And i’ve stopped having my nightmares of my own death.
Listen to Freshman by Verve Pipe.
Can’t be held responsible…♪
And Somebody is Watching Me by Rockwell and MJ.
And Who Can It Be Now by Men at Work.
And just for fun Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.
Peace and CQC Hugs.