“Once bitten, twice shy” then. (Can’t blame you.) Romanticism is actually a philosophy – or (very emotional) way of thinking – that dates back to the early 19th century (see the link below).
I think it’s worth looking into as it regards the beliefs most of us acquired from peers, the commercial media and elsewhere about what “love” is. Observing to ultimately understand romanticism can be immensely edifying and freeing for those who feel into the trap of believing in “happily ever after” and such.
My own pathway out of the paradigm began with a therapist’s admonition that my (then) wife and I attend Co-Dependents Anonymous (12 Step) meetings 25 years ago, See coda.org. My (then) wife (and later myself) found our way to The Meadows, a treatment facility near Phoenix AZ, where we encountered Ms. Pia Mellody, an RN with a phenomenally sophisticated grasp of the topic of co-dependence for that time. I read her books (see below). Everything began to change real fast thereafter.
@Sarad said: “the most common reason people stay single is high standards/ unreal expectations and lack of self criticism.”
Amen, Sistah. (And as a former gospel singer acquaintance of mine used to say on stage years ago, “If you’re gonna tell the truth, you might as well testify!”) (Yeah.)
But those who are caught in such expectations and lack of self-awareness (as well as lack of awareness of what their partners are actually like) are not to blame. If one steps up out of the paradigmatic box of the “consensus trance” (see the links below on that ■■■■■■■ truly BIG IDEA) to just observe what is, it gets evident in a hurry that we were almost all bombarded with relentless messages from fairyland about romantic love.
(It is, however, our responsibility to WAKE UP from that trance. No one can do that for us.)
No, thats the rational part. ( I believe that relationships are more like a consensus of both interested than anything near love-to-the-death).
What I meant…seeking a socially adaptable, shameless girl and in the same time sexually conservative…a ■■■■ and a saint in one,… A knight and a badass…a rescuer and seducer… To be treated good in a bad way… To love as hard as one can hate…
Such things.
…as you described above may suggest borderline flip-flopping, of course. But they may also be nothing more than the behavioral upshots of opposing / conflicting / mutually un-acceptable cultural conditionings that can easily be triggered when one encounters another who fits their “pictures” in whatever ways.
You might want to look at that link to 19th century Romanticism I posted on another thread. For the sake of time-saving for a busy young mother and grad student, however:
Because IF one believes (an issue all by itself, as you know) in the Romantic notion of “love-to-the-death” to the exclusion of looking to see what is in the relationship, one may wind up as @Wave did. (Well. If my partner is driving me “crazy,” wouldn’t you suggest I do something useful about that?)
haha
( I believe that relationships are more like a consensus of both interested than anything near love-to-the-death).