I had a pretty horrid yet productive Easter Sunday.
My bf and I unpacked the rest of my clothes from suitcases.
We put in closet and removed things.
Then his friends daughter and friend came over and I was mute and felt attacked by them and that I’d been gassed or something.
Then his friend came over.
Glad they didn’t stay for dinner.
Then his parents came over for dinner and that was aweful.
I’m such a nice peaceful person.
Yet I get attacked n hated by so many despite that I’ve done nothing wrong.
Perhaps they think my existence is wrong.
I think they are jealous of me.
They seem to want power over me n that I be their bitch n I don’t agree .
They also seem to be some kind of nazi extremists although it’s nothing they have said out loud.
I feel attacked by his friends and parents and it’s as if they want me to salute them but I’m not in any f####<# army and I don’t agree with them nor do I want to do as they say.
At rock n roll I was attacked too n had to quit cause it was me alone being attacked by all of them n sometimes I was so afraid to go dancing I would shake n feel so fragile but did not enjoy it cause that’s not dancing to me that I wanna do with them.
I was bullied n hated as child.
N as adult.
I was adored as toddler for while.
I always turn the other cheek and they don’t respect me.
They disrespect me n think it’s acceptable to treat me that way and I’ve got to the point where I want to do something to put them in place and say there behaviour to ward me is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
I know it’s his friends n family but I need to start practicing self defence.
How do I do self defence ,a one man army of me myself n I .
Would I do back to them what they did to me…
Could I hit them spiritually or restrain them while they are around me.
I must endure my time with them cause I adore n love my bf who I think I want to marry even in future n would propose too when my body is more pleasing to him.
My nature n spirit might be already .
I’m alone in the area n state as in I have no one here except my bf but his dogs are gorgeous n I love ️ them.
I am not a Christian.
I tried to be. It I don’t believe in it n never did no matter how hard I tried.
I’m not a member of any religion but do beleive in God or something,my own religion or belief maybe.
So I did not enjoy Easter Sunday.
I endured dinner and endured the moments his friends were here.
It was aweful!!!
We are going away four days with his parents n I don’t know how I will cope or endure it either.
It triggers me.
Can make me feel psychotic and etc.
I managed keep it together but it ain’t nice.
I want to kick their arse in some way spiritually n clarify their behaviour to me is not acceptable.
It’s disgusting the way they treat me n I’ve always been treated with disrespect and hate and I want to stand up for myself but how…?
I can be brave I think but I can also be a pussy and I’m alone and I miss my horse etc
She was all I had .
Wishing you guys well!