I was 17 when I was first dismissed with a psychotic disorder, but I was 11 when I really started hallucinating due to an antidepressant, amitriptyline.
That I remember? 3. Hallucinating like crazy. It was way more intense back then.
Probably since ever, the pediatrist wrote âcry a lotâ.
Now I only cry once a year
Hallucinating 12/13 years old . Full blown sza 19/20. Did get help until three years later.
I was 33. I had heard my name called in my dads voice once around 20. But 33 was the kicker for me.
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It happened instantly in one day at 21 years old. It was 2011. I totally lost touch of reality. I canât recall much of it. I think I ended up out of my body and time traveling through outer space. It felt real but it wasnât. It took 7 years to figure it out. That it wasnât real.
I remember watching quantum physics videos and a video on the simulation hypothesis. That really freaked me out. Those ideas, while being high, had a incalculable/immense impact on me and how I think to this day. Iâm still trying to recover. I was weak/susceptible at the time.
I even remember my mind/consciousness being inside my computer, or the perception of it. That was spooky/crazy.
I ended up snapping out of it, but with DP/DR. I ended up paranoid.
I think the simulation hypothesis is grounded in paranoia for some at least like me. For some smart people, itâs just a thought experiment. For me, it wrecked my mind.
I was an odd child, I had delusions. I thought my guitar had a spirit, it was reincarnated from a lover from a past life, I named it. I thought I could talk to crows, and did so every time I saw one, and thought they were talking back to me and would come to me if there was danger around. I believed I was psychic and I could see the future and read peoples thoughts. I heard voices when I was around 12 or maybe a little earlier. I had a full blown psychotic episode when I was 16.
Probably as soon as the sperm hit the egg.
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I also remember being a baby and thinking the stuff animals in my room could talk or were alive, like when you left the roomâŚhaha. Just like care bears. Or some movies/tv shows. Pretty sure thatâs magical thinking but I was a baby so I doubt it had anything to do with schizophrenia. I think it just proves how common magical thinking is.
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I was about 22. I thought some man was playing me music through the radio. Stressful times
I started hearing really negative voices when I was about 25. I never really thought much about it till much later. It was about when I was 33 when my symptoms became much more dramatic. Whenever I was home, I would constantly hear negative voices( I thought my mom was constantly saying really bad stuff about me.) It got so bad that I left home and had no home for about six months. Once I hit 34 I got really bad. I was constantly hearing negative voices at work. It took about 4 months later to have a full breakdown. It got so bad that I was slurring my speech, having full blown panic attacks, and I was hearing bullets hit my car as I was driving down the highway. I went missing for about 24 hours and got picked up by the cops and got institutionalized. Now it is 2 years later, I am doing much better then I was then.
I was 13. I started believing I could influence events by doing certain things. Like if I didnât finish writing a sentence by a certain time someone ( a girl I had a crush on) wouldnât like me anymore or one of my family members would be replaced by an imposter or an important memory I had would be erased. That year was when the **** hit the fan. If I only knew what was about to hit me