I remember at least 5 times. Never really felt it was of my own volition. First time, driven by family w/ a police presence I think. Second, I was in a group setting and started having horrible delusions…ended up in the long-term portion of that facility. Then a few times where family basically took me in.
I wasn’t a huge fan of any of the hospitalizations and usually didn’t seem to fare any better psychologically while there. Though my case seems to have had an arc that no drugs or treatment seemed to budge for about 3 years and now I’m thankfully absent most symptoms.
Was ragefully suicidal, harmed myself with a knife, wasn’t bathing (or any other forms of hygiene), gained 30 lbs from overeating, wasn’t cleaning, wasn’t getting dressed, wasn’t getting out of bed…it went on for almost the entire summer…I knew I’d kill myself if I didn’t do something, and I couldn’t kill myself because no one would take care of my rats if I did…I was living alone at the time so I started calling places looking for some sort of intensive therapy…however they would only take me in as inpatient or partial hospitalization due to severity…so I chose partial so I could still stay in one of my classes. Met with the pdoc there who urged me to go inpatient but I refused.
I wish my parents would have hospitalized me during my first major psychotic episode…probably would have spared me a lot of suffering…