Csummers, sorry I hope youre not upset, like I said, it was just confused about your reply, how you meant it…it can happen especially in this kind of medium if you dont have the person in front of you and you do not have more information than just the words that are written, like non verbal cues, tone, voice etc. Also, I am German, and most Germans communicate very direct, streightforward and matter of fact, they dont care much if they offend anyone, they dont care much about political correctness… Germans are known to have not much of humor lol. So this kind of thing can happen in forums where differnt people with different background communicate and do not see each other in person.
Now, I do believe you what you say about your experience on how it started for you, I am not thinking you are lying and making things up…The follow up post you made helped me. You may have had a slow progression of delusional thinking where it just never was a clear cut and noticed departure from one state to another state of consciousness. Like it just flowed and then some time down the line people started pointing out to you that your beliefs were not real. Youre pretty normal I suppose if that is what you meant because most people are not aware that they symptoms are not real in the middle of a psychotic breakdown. For me I have a time window of some days where I can notice a difference in my thinking and in this time window I can make the necessary decisions to get myself to a hospital. Thats because I do not have this very insidious type of sz where the positive symptoms and delusions are creeping in for a long time. I have this kind of attack mode sz, where I was doing relatively ok, and within a few days I slided into a full blown psychosis. During that slide was always a few days when I could question my delusions and hallucinations. Then after that I am fully immersed in what I could call a scary action movie and I am no longer in reality. For the two breakdown that I had, my insight was restored again when the meds kicked the sz butt. I could remember almost all of what I experienced during psychosis but then it made no sense to me and I could clearly see that this was fantasy not the reality as I experienced before I had the breakdown. I am pretty new here and I have not talked to too many people for ten years who are diagnosed with this illness so I still learning about different perspectives by different people. Ok, peace onto you,.