Feeling out of control

[arrgghh]

Cars honking outside, people talking outside, people at work,parties etc. Theyre all in on it.
thought withdrawal/blocking/broadcasting have always been a big problem in my life. Since the beginning of my schizoaffective. Mind control and spirits.
Im having a hard time collecting my thoughts, so this wont be well put together. Im also half asleep at the moment

But for example is this normal, does anyone else think that when cars drive by your house and honk they are directing it at you?(i mean like. When youre inside your house and hear it from our the window. Not while driving) Or people from afar looking at you or talking about you? Am i being self absorbed by thinking my co-workers laugh about me? Its so hard to interact with others

Ive been kinda spiraling the last few weeks, so that depression and anxiety arent helping. I hate being scared of others and having them talk about me. In code even. Its hard to tell if things are normal because i feel like everyone knows something i dont so its normal to me. I hate losing my train of thought mid sentence. Seconds later. My mind becomes blank and im scared its an entity doing so?

My ocd has been getting very bad too with checking . for example. When i park my car anywhere i lock it as i walk away at least like 5 tines so i can hear the beep and make sure the car is locked. I usually also turn back around and run to go check. Its so embarrassing. I do it often when i go into work too, even though i literally heard it lock 20 times i still have the urge. Same with locking my apartment, i triple check it everytime i leave, and very often i turn back around to go check again. It also takes forever for me to leave because i check every room multiple times to make sure im not forgetting something. I always feel like i am forgetting something but what it is, I dont know

This was just kind of a rant. Ive been taking my meds but still i feel pretty out of control and if anyone can relate or give input i would appreciate it. Ive been losing weight too and its really hard for me to eat because my anxiety makes me nauseous all the time

[Bowens]

@arrgghh

s anyone else think that when cars drive by your house and honk they are directing it at you?

I used to think that cars honking and police sirens in particular were in reaction to my thoughts. I used to think that people could be controlled and certain people could read my mind so when I was thinking something and a car honked or a siren went off it was a reaction to my thoughts.

So you are not alone in these issues. All my issues were solved with meds and time.