Dulled Down

I’m only on 10mg of Abilify, but I definitely feel like it dulls me down. I have a much wider range of emotions when I’m off meds and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t mean like a huge swing in emotions, but I can feel. Now I just feel stunted and dulled down :frowning: Even with my new boyfriend, I just don’t have that rush or butterflies or strong emotions anymore and haven’t for awhile now with anyone. I don’t like this flat line of non emotions that is my constant. I want to get really happy and excited again. Do you all experience this? Or is there a medication level/different medication that still lets you be able to have emotions while also keeping you stable?

I felt dulled down and zoned out on Abilify. I am now on a low dose of Risperdal and feel more myself. The quantity of medication means something too. Usually the lower the dose the more with it and focused one feels. On Abilify even a low dose of 5 mg made me feel like I was living in a fog - higher doses also made me feel this way

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I couldn’t feel true love while I was on abilify.

I do fell like I’m in a fog and just emotionless. What are you on now @onceapoet if you don’t mind me asking.

I feel your pain. My emotions are definitely not at the level the used to be, and I’m on 30mg Abilify. At the same time, before I started taking the meds, my emotions were a little too much to handle. Mood swings and intense paranoia was pretty standard for me everyday.

Idk, for me it’s a double edged sword.

Nah, it’s ok. That’s what we’re all here for isn’t it?
I would find it hard to say emotionless… but now that I think about it that probably is what was going on. I could still have random upticks of passion, anger, regret, but pretty much numb all the way. I had downticks too. My brain would feel like cotton (that is how I had to explain it to the doctor for him to understand. But my experience was more like my head was being held under water. I could see but I couldn’t [like I could see the table in front of me insomuch as I wouldn’t run into it. But to appreciate it or think about it? Nope.] I could hear much in the same manner. I could hear orders [like go vacuum the kitchen is dirty] I could do simple questions too [do you like these shoes] but I couldn’t expound on any of it. The best way to describe the downticks is when my family went shopping at costco. We rarely stay together in that store. We pair up and spread out. I just went alone. I looked around at nothing. Just kinda wandered. Had a little cheese sample. Not because I thought anything of it like I would want it but because I dully felt hungry. Sooner or later my parents found me and I followed them to the check out. I’ve seen maybe a little of Walking Dead on AMC. Kinda a zombie like that. Only no one can tell you are a zombie. You don’t walk different or talk different. You just kinda cease to be. A walking shell kinda. I had quite a few episodes of that on Abilify.
The worst part is I didn’t really feel what I was feeling… like I would get a feeling but be unable to sustain it. Good feelings at least. Maybe it’s just who I am, but I have always been able to hold a grudge. But feeling good emotions for someone was hard. The best way to describe it was when I started dating C. After the initial rush I didn’t really feel anything sturdy till I got on Geodon.
But Abilify didn’t do that to me until after highschool (I started the meds my senior year). I think there might have been a time when I was off of them… my parents didn’t want to believe I was sick. But even for the first year although the Abilify made the random noises go away it didn’t do much (along with the lexapro) more than lift me one step above suicidal.

That’s how my family described me the first time I was on Abilify. They said I was like a zombie. Then I stopped taking it for a year and felt great! That is until I suffered psychosis again. Now I’ve been on it again for 3 years and my family says I’m not as bad zombiewise as I used to be but I still feel like a zombie. I think I’m going to try 5mg instead of 10 and see if that helps. It just really sucks starting a new relationship and not feeling butterflies and love and all the emotions that go along with it. Its interesting to me that you say you couldn’t feel happy feelings. That’s a lot like me. I can usually still feel bad things. Which may be why I’ve been drawn to bad relationships. Wanting to feel something rather than nothing. Idk. But thanks guys for responding. I’m really glad there is a site like this to talk things out. Have a nice day everyone.

I realize you are done with this but I just want to add…
Maybe try a different med?

I want to but I have a stock pile of Abilify right now and am afraid that a new med would be too expensive. I have this card that allows me to only pay $25 a month for my meds. I’m on ssdi and I only pay a percentage, but am afraid another med would still be really high. I don’t know though.

I sometimes worry about the expectations of what it feels like to be (I really dislike using this word) normal. Dulled down is probably an apt description of being normal. I sometimes struggle with explaining to my son that not being happy does not mean being depressed. He wants to feel happy all the time. He has spent about 4 years mostly being high and/or psychotic. Normal in comparison is probably a pretty big let down.

I am responding more to the title of the thread then the thread itself so please don’t misunderstand that I am downplaying how you feel. I hope that you are able to overcome this flat line.

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