Crazy belief of mine

Every time I ask for help of any ki a there is some sort of natural disaster. The first was the Indian tsunami. Then a hurricane in Fl, next that so remember in detail was when I needed help getting school clothes for my kids hurricane Sandy blew through and everyone that was helping me had to stop. This year I had a friend make a Wal-Mart registry to buy my kids clothes for school and there cropped up bad wildfires in CA.

I firmly believe I am bad luck because even when so some helps me in anyway they suddenly have something bad happen. I joke about being the cause of the apocalypse so people won’t commit me to An I stitution for this.

I also believe my husband and kids are happier when I am in the hospital and purposefully make me crazy so I go back in. I am planning to go in in a few days.

They pretend to be really happy when I come home but they do so well without me.

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I suffer from this too. It’s called “magical thinking”. My psychiatrist called it “delusions of reference” though.

Magical thinking is defined as believing that one event happens as a result of another without a plausible link of causation. For example: “I got up on the left side of the bed today; therefore it will rain.”

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They are only coincidences.

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I had experiences with natural disasters and coincidences too and this ws before the psychosis kicked in. I can relate.

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I had this when I used to use heavy amphetamines.

I thought I caused china’ s economy to rise.
I thought I ended sexual abuse.

Can’t say much more because it will trigger people.

I eventually had to learn that some of these ideas were not true. I still deal with delusional ideas, however.

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I think CBT would label this “personalization” in a rather extreme way. According to a book, there are 7 cognitive distortions key to delusional episodes, and personalization, “taking things personally,” tops the list. Another one is “maximization,” or “making mountains out of molehills.”

The book is titled Cognitive Therapy of Schizophrenia by Kingdon & Turkington. Dunno the publisher or date.

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I struggle with the belief that I was supposed to die as a child, and I only stay alive now by sucking the life out of those around me. This was reinforced by a series of deaths in rapid succession for a few years of my life. But they were just sad and tragic coincidences. Sometimes, the universe is just a randomly horrible place. It’s comfortig to think you could prevent catastrophes by just never asking for help, but the truth is, those things would have happened whether you asked for help or not. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason. Sometimes good things happen for no reason. The world is fundamentally random.

If you’re feeling insecure around your husband, maybe you can talk to him about your worries. Perhaps couple’s counseling could help you feel more comfortable and secure in your place within the family.

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This type of thinking gave me a new diagnosis to go with the schizoaffective, narcissistic personality disorder. Probably caused by the delusions. Just one more thing to research and try to overcome.

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