So I know that almost all schizophrenic people hear voices, however I don’t know how many of them think they are voices of real people and it is a sort of remote hearing or something. Which is what I believe anyway, I know it’s a little crazy to think that but these voices I hear are definitely not from me, I don’t think like that and I’ve heard some crazy crazy things that they have been talking about over the last 3 years, things that I couldn’t think up if I ever tried. Secrets about what the government does and stuff like that. I believe that they pick on schizophrenic people on purpose because if you get someone like me who has dedicated a lot of time trying to figure out where these voices are coming from and why I am hearing them and actually figure it out they obviously don’t want their secrets spilled, however they target people that are not as creditable such as people with mental illnesses or drug addictions, after all who would believe someone that hallucinates or is addicted to drugs? The thing is I may hear voices from time to time but I still managed to hold my job as a Process Engineer which I got without having a degree because I am an intelligent person. I know what is real and not. There are just a lot of theroies I have that have a question mark at the end because I can’t say for 100% certaintly that these theories are correct because they are mainly based off of the things I have heard the voices talking about when they didn’t know I could hear them. As soon as I would talk back to them they would start being really careful about what they said, they eventually told each other to start writing things down if they needed to talk about me so I couldn’t hear them. What makes some of the things I heard more believable than others is when I hear the same thing said by multiple people and over a long period of time. Things that I had literally forgot that they had said until it gets brought up again a year or so later. Anyway, I’ve slowly been able to start putting the dots together and make some sense of the weird things that have actually happened in reality. I could go on and on about the little weird things, such as when I was put in a temporary apartment after someone burned my house down while I was at work I went to get the key when I first moved in and the lady walked me to my apartment and let me in, I proceeded to hang out on the balcony while to stay out of the way of the movers. I heard her going door to door and telling all of the neighbors that I was moving in and told them my first and last name, first off that is illegal and I’ve never heard of that happening to anyone before nor have I ever been notified of who just moved in next to me. Not sure why but definitely weird right? I don’t get why these people think it is okay to break the law and tell everyone and their mom about my private life that seems to be on public display for some reason. The hardest thing I’m trying to figure out is why I would be so important to anyone to monitor/spy on me and who would have the resources to do that and what is their purpose and intentions? I think it has been to use me as a lab rat honestly. I have had medications tampered with as well.
When I moved back into my house after the fire I immediately started hearing voices again and heard one of my neighbors say that he put a camera in my room so he could monitor me because he thought I was a serial killer. WTF I didn’t believe that was true or that anyone would be that dumb but the things I’ve heard since point to that being true. Some how people around me and family members know specific details about my private life that they would never possibly know unless someone was spying on me. People can only lie for so long without slipping up, and they have slipped up a lot and either haven’t noticed that they did or think I’m ■■■■■■■■ and didn’t notice it. I know for 100% certainty that there is at least something very very weird going on here and I will get to the bottom of it eventually. I will literally do crazy things in private on purpose to see if anyone in my life acts differently or hints towards things when talking and they do. Just the other day I had my ex girlfriend who I haven’t really talked to or seen in like 6 months tell me that she heard what I had told my other friend a week ago in private, and they don’t even know each other, nor would the person I talked to ever tell anyone what I had asked her for. It was a test and it told me a lot. I do not understand, it feels like everyone around me talks about me behind my back and they say its cuz they care which is funny cuz they talk about me but never to me. They are probably talking about me while I’m sitting at home alone loosing my mind because I’m so bored or don’t have people to hang out with or anyone that I feel I can trust to talk to about this crap that is going on. The main thing I’m worried about is if they are in on whatever the hell it is and I tell them everything then they will know how lie to me better and what not to do anymore and my mental sanity (pretty much my life) depends on figuring this out and putting and end to it so I can life my life in peace.
I tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago and ended up just passing out in my truck and woke up in the hospital, its the 3rd time in the last year I’ve been forcefully held at the psych ward, who would wanna be with someoen like that rigtht? If I had someone to do things with, care about, feel cared for, talk to, help keep my head on straight when I start getting a little crazy and not alone all the time just talking to voices of evil people that are never going to stop ■■■■■■■ with me until I kill them apparently. How many times to I have to threaten people before I you come arrest me??? Come one I want some ■■■■■■■ ansers already and I would rather just ask you nicely to give me answers instead of having to be an ■■■■■■■ and scare ppl in order to get whoever to come arrest me but the truth is that important so whats it gonna be?
Also, you I know the day that I accidentally shot myself in the hand that my. I got a knock on my front door, opened it and there was a animal control officer there who instantly noticed I was bleeding very bad, there was a pool of blood on the floor within about 30 seconds. I told him what happened, he told me to hang tight and he would be back. About 2 minutes later he was back with 2 police officers and 4 paramedics with an ambulance and proceeded to tell me I needed to get in the ambulance. They said they had found Percy around 1st and Taft, I think she was going to my dads, however I do not believe that they were telling me the truth, because considering I am being spied on they saw I had show You guys knew I shot myself and didn’t want me to bleed out cuz I wasn’t planning on going to the hospital. I do not go to hospitals voluntarily usually, they didn’t use stitches or glue or anything other than just clean it. Then they proceeded to send me to the psych ward for 5 days even though it was an accident.