apart from this little ■■■■■■■ devil constantly yapping about in me head (telling me stuff, driving people whom i love and respect away from me, turning me into a bug-eyed mad-man and telling everyone im no good, creating problems of which I’m supposed to solve even though I have no fucking clue, which in turn makes them even wanna kill me) everything is just peachy creamy, ffs.
It’s taken a long time to get here… but I am satisfied with life. Working hard not to relapse.
Still have some problems here and there… still get frustrated when I have something new pop up. But doing better then I ever have been.
I WIll Be Satisfied When …
Hmm ,
Hold Please …
Hmm ,
I Can Breathe …
Ok Thaz Good ,
Ok I Hear Voices & I Don’t Get To Have Any Moments OF Sylence ,
hmm ,
Wait Tho ,
I Have Thus FEAR That Imma Gonna Get Arrested For No Reason ,
Wait But I Havent Been Arrested In A While ,
Ok , Check!!
Hmm ,
I Can’t Fynde Tha Gurl Of My Dreams ,
and Thus One Girl Won’t Tell me Where She’s Located ,
Hmm ,
No Check There ,
But Check Here ?? ,
Hmm ,
But I Can Walk ,
Ok Im Good There ,
Hmm ,
Maybe This Gurl I Love So Much With So Much Jealousy On Her Awesomeness ,
Hmm Wait Hmmm ,
You Know What .
im Good ,
But I AM NOT Satisfied .
No. I’m not satisfied. I need to increase my finances but getting a part-time job is difficult to come buy. I’d be good even if I could get paid under the table for using my technology skills. I know one thing: I never want to work full-time again.
I feel like a MASSIVE failure. I’m almost 30 and I have no wife or children. I’ve did well career wise and financially but that’s it. Who gives a damn how much money you have if you have no friends or family?
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No I am not happy with my life right now, but I WILL bounce back.
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I would say yes. I have achieved a fair amount and will most likely just do more. I wish this never happened though. ■■■■ this ■■■■.
I wanted to be a warrior, not a psycho.
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I am satisfied.
My parents let me sleep in until 6:30pm if I want.
I can do my hobbies.
I have some motivation to take care of things.
No I am not satisfied. I want to become a neuroscientist and I feel like I’m wasting my time with these unnecessarily complicated, and sometimes even completely unrelated classes that are mandated for my major. Did you know that even though I’m a neuroscience major, they only have 2 neuroscience related courses for me to take?
The worst part is when I do bad at these classes that aren’t my strengths, it’s not just the blow to the gpa that kills me it’s to my confidence. I get into funks and feel like a failure and get nothing done. It’s psychologiclally damaging.
I want to be where I’m useful and all of my skills are being utilized and right now I feel like a fish who’s getting depressed because I’m failing the flying test, if that makes sense.
I don’t know what to do with myself. And then I go to sleep into these other worlds and I finally get to be myself uninhibited and the physical world just exhausts me after that. There’s not much for me here. I’m supposed to do something, I just wish I’d be told what and given the tools to do whatever it is already so I can go home.
I’m not even the girl you know. I keep pretending like I’m her to seem normal but I’m her helper and I’m tired of pretending because I feel it’s dishonest. She’s been gone since she saw she failed her last exam. I knew she wasn’t handling it well but we needed to stay focused in class so I took over. We’re watching a show together now.
Sorry I got a little off topic.
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Yeah life is good at the mo
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