Are very idealistic people naturally that way, or does something cause it?

Both of my therapists say I’m extremely idealistic. My ideas of the way things should be are very intense, and I spend a lot of my time daydreaming “perfect” and “imperfect” scenarios.

Events in my life that may have caused this:
-sexual abuse at age 4
-bullied ages 12-16
-father with a very bad temper all my life, until I got sick
-hiding in bathrooms bc i thought people were after me

does anyone else have a kind of fantasy in their head of the way things should be? for example romantic relationships, behavior, life progress, etc.? i know the answer is yes but sometimes it seems im the only one.

So sorry for your life experiences mine similar. I’m idealistic too from this undercurrent of falseness that tries undermining me. You are the power baby. Don’t let anybody convince you otherwise.

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thanks Daze.


Yeah man, your probably pretty smart and capable of thinking for yourself. Your mind can see how things could be better so you desire those ideals… same here. No one every really confronted me about it, but time and time again the world and people failed to live up to these ideals. It’s not a very viable approach. I’d start trying to let go of these ideals and let things be what they are. That’s what I’ve had to do. You get to start early.

At least put them in their place of that’d be great but it’s pretty unrealistic.

I don’t think it’s a product of your past unless you feel there is an escapist element to it. To me it’s more of a capacity.

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i think there is an escapist element to it.

All things get easier with time. Don’t let the past have so much weight. Don’t let anything have any real weight in your mind. Its easier to get things done and have clarity when your not stressed. You might find it helps dissolve neurosis.

This is all just coming from my perspective and experience. It’s merely an opinion.

You’re lucky though, to start paying attention to all this at a younger age. It’ll all sort itself out.

Most of the 25-27 year olds I know are only now starting to sort out their internal battles. Some people never get the chance either. They just roll with it.

Internal peace though, makes everything easier.

I’m just ranting now.

you’re not ranting, it feels good to hear you and others say that im lucky to have to face my internal problems at a young age. i do need to relax sometimes. ive gotten better at basically letting go the past.

Yeah man, what matters most is the current moment. Second to that is where you are headed. Most things like college and work, while they are difficult, are a lot easier if you have your focus on the moment down. @waterway had some excellent advice regarding social worries. It’s good to nip those in the bud as well.

“Great minds talk of ideas, mediocre minds talk of events, small minds talk about people.” and approximate quote from some unknown source.

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I would say I am idealistic, yet also pragmatic and realistic. That might sound like an oxymoron, but I think you can reconcile these two traits with idealism. I believe people should always aspire to the greatest good for the greatest number, even if you have to get there through roundabout ways. In my case I think my idealism is a form of compensation, but it has become so much a part of me that it is an end of itself, something I use for my own gratification.

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I don’t think it’s an oxymoron. The mind can start with and idealistic thought and trim it back and put it in its place. You catch the glimpse of the ideal in full and then prepare yourself for the reality. There is a lot of beauty and direction in idealistic thinking. It can be a source of strength and determination. It’s only when you let it shape your expectations that you’re going to run into trouble.

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As far as romantic associations go I am 46 and have seen it all and heard it all. I look now for emotional intelligence and an easy feeling. I like my men to be reactionary toward me because I have control issues but at the same time a fresh idea makes my day.

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I let my would be girlfriend get away from me when i moved. she was so smart and cute as hell. oh well

am really sorry that happened to you. :heart:
hamster :hamster: hug.
take care :alien:

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I’ve been told I tend to build a bubble. I know I isolate… and I do tend to quickly cut people out of my life who upset me… I don’t do it in a mean way… I just disappear quickly. (easy to do in a big city)

I work in my garden and I do play nice with others… but I don’t seem to get close.

It’s hard for me to keep up… and I don’t have the energy or the knack for keeping too many relationships.

In my world… my organic world of gardening and swimming… things are great. But I’m still not too sure about getting out of my comfort zone. I just don’t understand people… they can be very baffling

I thinks everything that we are comes naturally, i thinks throughout our lives we only find out who we is and not chooses whos we is.

The situations we’re in also come naturally and have a natural effect on who we naturally are.