I didn’t use to…I felt safer in a crowd…but nowadays I become immensely irritable when there are people too close to me. It becomes a very intense rage. For example today there was a guy who was standing next to me on the bus and he was standing in a way so that his coat or whatever was against my leg and I couldn’t move positions or anything like that and it just starts burning in me and then I was thinking of taking this random guy, hammering him by the hands and feet to a wall, peeling off areas of his skin and pouring salt in the wounds, dumping vinegar in the eyes, stabbing his eyes, scalping him and then gagging him with his own scalp.
I’ve mentioned before I get violent intrusive thoughts, what I mentioned above is basically what I deal with regularly. I was just so so angry at this guy who didn’t even do anything because he was too close to me. And I get that way all the time in crowds and just wish everyone would die.
I don’t know why I get so aggressive now when other people are in my personal space. I hope I never snap and attack anyone, I have come very close before. I am worried this is all because of my ptsd but I don’t know. After I graduate from here I never want to live in a densely populated area again, it is not healthy for me.
If it’s a crowd where I control the interaction and how much etc that may work. Ie at a store and keep mu head down. Also every event is easier if my husband is with me. After crowds that are busy I need a lot of quiet or way to decompress
I used to hate crowds when I was little. Eventually I got used to them and it didn’t bother me as much. Although since the illness I’ve found that I get a little jumpy around people I don’t know. Maybe I think they are the stalkers and harassers that I imagined.
I hate crowds, too. I don’t get violent thoughts but, rather, thoughts that everyone else can hear what I’m thinking and knows all about me. I also get paranoid that someone is going to attack me and feel I have to be on guard the whole time. For this reason I generally avoid situations where I will have to be in a crowded environment.
I hate being in a line up or crowd, if I have room to move it is not as bad, but if I’m crunched up in the crowd with no room to move I get pretty angry.
I avoid line ups and crowds, shop for groceries during off hours when they are not busy and usually shop on line for clothes. I remember going to a baseball game when very young, everyone was pushing and shoving I just wanted to slap everyone, I hated baseball so no idea why my father thought to take me to a game. Never went back to a game or concert where that many people gather.
I get similar violent intrusive thoughts. Now I mainly just get urges to harm but not specific thoughts about how these days. As far as crowds go, I just generally don’t like people in general, so crowds are generally a no-go for me.
Music… Wear headphones playing your favorite ■■■■… I usually turn my phone way up and walk around singing while I shop…but prolly looks a little crazy…but it gives me space… Try music…think about the music instead of the crowd… I have PTSD too and use music to make it through crowds and shopping and such…still hard but its bearable with music…
I hate crowds too. I was telling another forum member the other day about using threat assessment tools to watch your surroundings. Well, I was sitting in a quiet corner of a coffee shop the other day and these little kids started playing by a shelf near me so I applied threat assessment. They were maybe 5 and 7 and when I thought of it after they were minding their own business but these self audible alerts went off. I toughed it out but I went there to play on my Kindle but instead my mind was on them. Kids? Really? I felt like dying.
I know you asked about crowds but I feel as you do when my territorial bubble is poked a bit.
We have crap help with this…I also use threat assessment when I’m out…but it doesn’t work with large crowds… I’m sorry I haven’t found anything beyond music yet… Maybe we can figure out the trick to it… I liked going to concerts… I went to a large one last year… Was so nervous and hyper vigilant… We had to find a spot on the side where security had not allowed people to stand… Was better then… It sucks that I cant enjoy live music anymore…