Hi friends.
I reactivated my account on advisement from my doctor. He thinks I could do with more mental support as I deal with things. The most upsetting situation happened last month as I suffered a bad stroke. I was in the hospital rehabilitating for three weeks. I’ve gained back the ability to speak and write now with some cognitive slowness but it’s mostly hit my memory ability than anything else.
However it fully paralyzed my right eye muscle, that has not recovered. I constantly see double, my vision blacks occasionally and I lost extensive sight. The stroke triggered debilitating unrelenting migraines, too. They are unsure if I will regain function fully. I’m falling regularly due to imbalance, so I hurt myself constantly. I tore the ligament in my hand and will need surgery. The stroke also paralyzed my neck and esophogeal muscles which were already not functioning. So only 10% of my swallows move food.
This last week I have been down with covid, too.
So I’m struggling, because I’ve never tried to talk about my health problems. But I’m at a point where I can’t function or feel really human. I’ve had to stop all activities like my diamond painting, video games, cross stitch, sewing, etc. with my eyes and weak hands I can’t do it anymore. I’m feeling a deep depression, like grief, feeling I’ve lost being who I am anymore. I can’t eat, walk, drive, do the things that help me relax, etc.
My only comfort is my family. My situation with hubby resolved with therapy and we are still together. The children are thriving in school. My day is dedicated to being with my children and helping them with everything. Everyday I make them fancy bento lunches that they love. I’m really creative with the recipes and 90% is made from scratch.
Sorry this is so long. I’ve missed you all immensely but it was what I needed to break away. I’ll be on a little, but im not ever going back to being a mod, much to your relief im sure. So I hope we can have better relationships now, as im just another member with no authority power.
