So I am day 5 after surgery and I’m healing well. As I was spending some time to myself, my mom told me to start studying “slowly” and start spending less time on my phone. I got really angry and I started imagining my child self and I imagined abusing and hitting her. I started hearing a child crying and screaming. It made me feel better about the entire situation but it hurt at the same time. Later I realized what I was doing and I finally stopped the intrusive thought.
It’s true that I’m spending way too much time on my phone because I’m largely apathetic about my life, but I’m tired of always having to try my best and to compete with thousands of others in this competitive society. All these certificates I have to get in order to just get a job…I’m honestly so stressed out. But it’s the only way I can survive, or I would barely afford to live on my own later in life. Sometimes I’m so tired of it all, and I am about to burn out. But it’s not like my parents are interested in learning about my mental health. They would think “everyone does this at some point in their lives”.
Also, the orthopedist told me that maybe the surgery would cure me, but the surgery turned out to be difficult because of how reactive my nerves are. I had to go 2 hour over time because of my neurological disease. But recovery is coming slowly, and I guess I’m thankful for that.
Thanks for reading.
