A time long ago and far away
I was a much younger man
And schizophrenia had taken my social function away
And I grew to hate Valentine’s Day
People who could not see the turmoil inside of my head
Didn’t understand why I was always alone
Valentine’s Day does not represent true love you see
It’s a day a man is expected to give a gift
To a special someone
Worth a lot
Sorry but being unemployed and poor
And not being a criminal
Means you won’t have one
Can’t she love me in spite of that?
No because you see romance leads to commitment
Commitment leads to us sharing a space together
Other than your parent’s basement
Then you may have kids
And they cost a lot
I need to know you can spend money on the spot
She said to me
So eventually I decided that Valentine’s Day wasn’t for me
And neither was commitment and marriage or kids
That’s the terrible thing I did
But I don’t regret it
Because the candy comes cheap
And I will buy it for myself today
And pay for it tomorrow
When I check my blood sugar
I lived with my dad for five years and paid him $260.00 each month. I spent the rest of my money on eating out every day. Man, with all that money I could have bought a couple of nice guitars. Instead, I have a $100 electric and a $100 acoustic. My classical/nylon string guitar cost a bit more and I’ve put a lot of energy into it but still it is not an expensive guitar. I’m going to pay off my credit card and buy a better guitar. I’ve been eating so little it’s possible to pay it off by summer.
I’m some ways I’m encouraged by your post and in other ways I find it so sad. It really hurts to have no one. A lot. But you seem to rise above. I’m very impressed by that
It’s a matter of learning to like myself more, being less bothered by being alone, and worrying less about the future. I’ve met a lot of lonely people among the residents and staff here at the group home. In a way my Mom who I meet every week is holding me together at the moment and I am trying to prepare for the future loss of her that’s likely to happen. After her all my relationships will be distant ones. So I’m learning to get through the day. It’s a process
I’m so sorry @Blizzard. That sounds so hard to deal with. Do you have siblings? Cousins?
When my mom passes it’ll be tough. She’s a good friend to me. I’ll probably have to move into Section 8 housing since I make so little now that my disability was cut a little bit. Life isn’t fair and definitely not easy.
I have 2 siblings I call once a week. (I call my Mom every day.) One lives 400 miles away. The other lives closer but spends relatively little time with me. I had a cousin who pen paled who recently passed away. I have several nieces who live 100’s of miles away who are distant from me. I live with other people here at the house but they often are in their own Worlds. The relapse I had did a lot of damage to my social life and it’s been difficult recovering.
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I’m so sorry @Blizzard. That sounds awful. I’m so glad you at least have this site. Does the forum help you?
Yes it does help to talk with fellow schizophrenics, and those who have other issues with mental illness as well.
I’m glad the forum helps you. It helps me too
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