I don’t know what to say, Greykitten, I want to help you, but you must help yourself first. I don’t know if you can do this, 'cos it’s the illness, but can you be less strict with yourself? I have a hard time too, as always and want to get away, but some people don’t let me. We must not cause any more problems than we already have, I say it for myself too, it’s like we punish ourselves! The question is, do we deserve that? And if we deserve that, you say you have “killed” your sister, I am very bad sometimes too, what can we do about it? Perhaps regret? But is this going to save us in the future?
I have motivation. Im a very goal orientated person. I need to be doing something. If I got nothing to do, nothing to aim for a psychotic breakdown is just around the corner
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It’s good that you have motivation, I wish I had too!
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I am so very sorry. I was just feeling bad this morning. My late father and my mother would always tell me; “You made your own bed; now sleep in it.” I basically did that for some years only leaving it to go to psychosocial rehab, my parents’ house on the weekends for dinner, bathroom, food, errands, appointments. My bed was the only place I felt safe. It is a new bed in a different town and it is most likely still the only place I feel really safe. Last night, I was feeling like I could survive anything and that everything was going to be alright. I was watching an uplifting musical group called the Bala Brothers from South Africa on my local PBS station. I was eagerly anticipating a show from someone who used to be in the Moody Blues Group; I think Justin Hayward. Then the cable went totally off. There was some kind of major outage in my area. I had nothing to watch on tv; so, I went to bed. About 1am, I got up to go to the bathroom and then came back to bed. The cable still was not on. I said to myself if it’s not on by around 3am or so, I would call them again to see when they expected it on. I called at about 1000pm; they knew nothing and I waited on line for about 35 minutes. Anyway, I said this magical rhyming prayer to my dragons and I heard a noise. My cable had returned! I believe in the dragons. They help me! I just get tired sometimes. I get cold and hot at the same time and get comfortable. I get hungry and can’t eat. Most of the time I have to think for my mother while she criticizes me for buying Hamburger Helper. I am sorry. I just go through these “spells” sometimes. As the day progresses, I will improve in my thought. I just get so tired of being human. Sometimes, it is a lot of work just to be only yourself and you don’t do any work at all! Please forgive me, redrose.
Greykitten, I really think you must change meds and perhaps a doctor! They don’t help you!! Mine have stopped working, too (Risperdal) and I am so worried because all the others have side effects! Try to have some therapy too, to have someone to talk to. I don’t know what else to say, really…
I will add this. I do believe one thing. Even though, I may start feeling better later today; I know deep down that a lot of the American population; including medical professionals, even psychiatric professionals; and some organizations like WHO. the UN Health Organization, believe sincerely that our troubles are “self-inflicted.” When I feel better, I disagree. It is much more complex than that. When I feel so very bad; I just wallow in my belief and ignorance.
Well, if you mean sz is an illness of the mind and it’s all in our mind, I agree with you. If you mean we caused our illness, I definetely don’t agree on that. Anyway, I hope we always have hope and everything will turn out to be good in the end, because, even if we have done bad things, we don’t deserve this torture…
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I guess it begins in the mind/brain; but, it affects the body, too. You are right. We didn’t cause our illness; although, I believe some, if not many do or there wouldn’t be so much stigma or problems getting the right treatment we need for each of us individually. I read in an article that the WHO (World Health Organization) considers many of or diseases “self-inflicted.” One such is “obesity” We are too complex for any of our ills, even alcohol and drug addiction which many have considered the fault of the afflicted. Even our “animal” friends are too complex for such an simplistic cause. I lost a dear dog who passed away from sadness and loneliness when I went to college and got caught up in college life. I saw my beloved sister gain weight as a teenager because of the stress in my household at the time. I do not nor will ever believe it was “self inflicted.” This is a tragedy of our time to believe that we- each of us- cause our illnesses and suffering. I don’t even believe that about smoking and cancer; although, I am glad that many places ban smoking now. We-each of us-are complex and part of life is suffering. Sometimes, I get tired and dispirted. Sometimes, I just want to lie in my bed and let life pass by me. Sometimes, I just want the world to go away and leave me alone. I feel bad and I don’t know why and what is the “cure” or “treatment” is even worse and makes me even sicker. I am tired of verbal abuse and criticism. Deep down inside, I just want to feel content-at peace-even sometimes happy again. Is that too much ask on a Sunday morning? Thank you redrose for “listening” to me!
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I have something to do right now, whatever you want you can pm me anytime, I 'll be there for you. I hope we will get better!
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my motivation is in correlation with my meds…
no meds… no motivation.
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I have decided that I may be experiencing some sort of withdrawal/allergic reaction to my meds. I have been taking psychiatric medications for probably over twenty-five years and I think now my body is finally rejecting them. I took a shower and came out of the shower and threw up what little potato chips I had eaten this morning. I am hot and cold at the same time. I am perspiring, especially in my face. I am shaking, too. I can’t sleep or eat. I am miserable. All I can do is lie here in my bed and watch tv. I was going out to look at cars with my mother this afternoon and I can’t even do that. I was going over to her house to eat mac n cheese and cube steak and I don’t know what I’ll eat. I’m a little woosy and don’t feel like cooking. My mother is going by the store to pick up some bread and drinks. I am thirsty. I see the pdoc tomorrow afternoon. She will probably reject what I have to say. I have had allergic reactions to penicillin and allergic reactions to alcohol. Maybe, the psychiatric medication thing is not really all that it is cracked up to be. I am going to rest for awhile.
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I 'm sorry, @Greykitten, what can I say. But don’t spend your life that way! It’s only once! I try to find a job these days, at least if I would find one that would save me from a lot of things, why don’t you go and buy a car with your mom? I know she isn’t too good for you, but this is a good thing to do, even with her! I just hope we can get better and better, hope is all that saves us for the moment! Have hope, too!!
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i find lack of motivation & loss of functioning one of the biggest issues at the moment. A lot of people don’t really seem to understand.
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I understand (more than you can imagine)! Do you mean perhaps normies?
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More the normals, but other people with mental health difficulties as well. A lot of people go on at me about doing more regular exercise & stopping the tobacco smoking. i feel blamed a lot.
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I 'm sorry you are going through this! I also feel that I am blamed, because I don’t want to do what others do. I read something very good today, it is:this:
“Practically the whole human race is hypnotized, thinking whatever it is told to think.” by Ernest Holmes.
I found it to be very good.
Good quote - very true.
i was told yesterday that vigorous exercise was a cure & that i was lazy.
There seems to be a lot of denial, invalidation & trivialisation around psychosis/schizophrenia. i have made good recovery & a lot of progress, & am generally pretty sane & stable, but there are a number of ongoing difficulties & my overall functioning & well being has been left very effected by everything. Not least i feel very effected by the sedative anti-psychotic medication.
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Oh don’t worry as I feel better I will get me that car. I guess I just need to rest today. The car dealership that I found I car I really liked is closed today anyway. I am going to see the pdoc tomorrow and she may not like it; but, I am going to tell how these psychiatric medications are finally and actually affecting me in such an adverse manner. I really don’t know what the answer is or what I should do next. I am very afraid of psychiatric medications and what they are/are doing/have done to me. I have ordered two books on cbt from amazon; but, of course they haven’t arrived yet. There has to be a better way to alleviate these symptoms and issues. I am so very tired of all the suffering. I just want to feel good again and that includes physically not just psychologically. Deep down inside, I know that I will be alright. I am going to get through this and thrive again! Things are going to get better. Trust me. Despite everything, I still have my eternal optimism! My mother is going to bring me some minestrone soup in addition to my groceries. Don’t worry redrose, I will feel and get better. I am a very determined person! Thanks for caring. Please take care, also. I will be getting that car!
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Please don’t let anyone tell you that you are lazy. That is derogatory and hurtful. You are just a person who happens to have a mental illness. Go take a good walk and tell them to leave you alone. If your pdoc, doctor, or therapist calls you lazy, fire them and find another more suited to you and your essential well-being. You are a human being and you deserve the very best life has to offer! Don’t let anyone call you “names.” Take care, my dear friend!
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extreme lack of motivation. 
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