This is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately, and after a lot of thought I have come to the conclusion that girls don’t like nice guys. I remember when I was a ■■■■■■■ about everything; didn’t care for school, peoples feeling, getting in trouble, etc. I dated this girl named Thalia, now she was a nice girl and all but at the time I was young and wanted more than one girl, why?.. well just because. So one day she texts me and out of nowhere I felt I was done with her so I texted her back “I don’t want to be with you anymore” she the tries to call me for the rest of the day and I never picked up. Eventually I saw her and we talked and on a whim I said that I would be with her. I would do the same thing 3 or 4 more times and each time she would take me back like I didn’t even do anything. So I eventually grew out of the bad guy stage and I decided to be a nice guy, because down inside I did have a conscious about all the bad I had done to that point. So one day I saw Thalia again but at this point we had been broken up for some time and I had changed my ways, so I decide to get back together with her. She could tell I wasn’t the same guy anymore and one day just dumps me the same way I did her. Now I thought it was just revenge or a joke, but when I called her and she answered the phone she had said that I changed and she didn’t like me anymore. Since then I have been in other relationships and the thing that keeps happening is either I become too nice and they see that as boring or I don’t focus enough time on them and the get mad. Either way I think I’m going to really try to get my old badass ways back.
it’s an age thing hunni. older women DO like nice guys. i for one have always liked nice guys. i was with one baddass and i left him because of it. girls with brains like nice guys. xxx
There are about 3 billion females out in this world - I’m sure that some of them like mean guys (perhaps people who had meaner fathers) and many of them like nice guys. It also changes by time of month…
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/feb/08/the-science-of-seduction-dating-guide
I still fell like if I changed it would help my confidence, schizophrenia, and a lot more things. When I didn’t care about anything atleast life was easier.
You might find this interesting:
"The prevailing view in evolutionary psychology is that highly masculine men make great sperm donors but not necessarily awesome partners and fathers. First the downside: highly masculine men are less committed as fathers and partners, less cooperative, more sensation-seeking in outlook and more likely to seek short-term sexual encounters than less-masculine looking men. These downsides of pairing with a masculine man are thought to result from testosterone’s effects on behaviour.
While low-T, less-masculine guys might make better long-term partners, there might be benefits of a fleeting attraction, at peak fertility, to manly men if they are more likely to sire genetically well-endowed kids. It’s an idea bolstered by the findings that women living in countries with lots of disease prefer faces of more masculine-looking men. As do women primed with images of body fluids, skin lesions and other cues of disease. Developing highly masculine features takes plenty of testosterone, an immunosuppressing hormone. Which means only those with the best immune genes can afford to be taxed with high-T levels in puberty. Or so the story goes."
I dont know about all women, but it does seem to me that many females like to fix a lot of the problems troubled males have. My ex wife for one thought that I was too ‘nice’ and she saw this as a weakness. She was used to abusive men, and decided that she would be better off going back to her ex boyfriend while we were married. This guy was not the choir boy type - if you know what I mean. I do think that smart women who care about themselves prefer the company of guys that treat them with respect - just my take on it
Here’s a great book I read long ago.
“girls don’t like nice guys”
I am a girl and my lovely boyfriend is downstairs I met him on plentyoffish.com when you go on a dating site you can at least be honest about what your looking for and if you get rejected keep searching.
yeah there’s gonna be a few like yourself. Im talking about girls as a whole.
“I’m not a nice girl”- I’ve fallen in love twice in my life and on both occasions heard this line…
I think it boils down to something like this, my first love told me once at the end of our time together that I wasn’t the guy she wanted to date, I was the guy she wanted to marry, and then she broke up with me and went out with a drug dealer…
I’m a nice guy. I’ve known the truth to be both sides of the coin, women do like nice guys, there are nice girls and not so nice girls and everything in between. The nice ones have only passed me in the night and I’ve let them all slip through my fingers. I’ve never loved one, a nice girl, though I guess some have loved me. I’m currently holding out for that heart of gold though…I deserve it.
I’ve dated a bad guy before and it wasn’t fun. The only bad guys I like now are in books!
The girls I’ve been with don’t like bad guys…by bad I mean cheaters, abusers, and druggies/drunks… they might have been sort of ok with a little rebel radical type, have fun ‘badness’ that is innocent. I’ve been in 3 long term relationships and going on 4… there were a handful of shorter term ones that failed because they were not meant to be
Some people have a tendency to go for mates for which they have to work for their approval. They want someone who doesn’t seem to care about them and they like having to convince the other person of their worth.
Imagine you are taking a walk and come across an apple tree. Some people don’t want the easy to pick apples close to the ground they want to climb to the top and get the most hard to reach one. It has little to do with the nature of the apple. I think it comes about because most people don’t feel they are worthy of love. So they search for people they think they have to convince that they are worthy.
In high school I knew these two amazing girls. They were smart, funny, and pretty. But they both gravitated towards distant, cold boyfriends that weren’t worthy of them. Part of it was because of their relationships with their fathers I think. Being psychologically well adjusted is very rare.
But there are girls out there who will see your quality. Maybe they are a little harder to find than the rest but they do exist.
I’m a girl and all my boyfriends have been nice, including my current one whom I plan on marrying someday! I’ve had some not-so-nice girlfriends, though, which I guess is the reason I stopped dating girls. That and I just feel more comfortable with a man than a woman. But my boyfriend is a sweetheart, definitely odd and somewhat crude, but very gentle and loving.
Nice guys do win sometimes…I like to think I’ve been a “nice guy” in my life? I’ve always had good relationships growing up, had some not so nice experiences in relationships too…just depends on the “couple”.
I’m a SZ and bisexual woman and I agree, and I can also explain why.
It’s not that I wish to be abused. I avoid abusive men all I can. But there is a factor that made me dump as quicly as possible the gentle-hearted men I’ve met and do my best to find someone who was more aggressive towards life, more badass. The reason is simple: being SZ, I knew that at some point or other disaster will ensue, I will have a psychosis or something bad will happen, for example my child could be SZ him/herself or be terminally ill etc. I needed a strong person next to me, someone that would compensate my over-emotional self and think straight even in times of trouble, someone that would not find it hard to tell me straight in the face: “you are not ok, you need hospitalisation” before things worsened. Someone who would be stronger than my weakness. Someone “badass” as you say.
Now, not all women are SZ, but all women know , subconsciously, that there will be hardships in their lifes. Some of them decide to look for a guy who will be able to face those hardships, even if he doesn’t bring flowers and (some, but I don’t agree with that) if they cheat. It’s partly instinctive, partly something you consciously decide, as a woman: the better man is the stronger man, not the calmer one. Some women are happy with sweet boys. I have to say, sorry for those boys that were in my life, I just couldn’t. When I decided to form a family, I picked the strongest man I could find. And it seemed it paid off, we’ve been through a lot together, and he coped perfectly. The living proof is my wonderful son who wouldn’t be here if my husband did not realize he had to ask for an emergency evaluation, diagnosys and c-section when I stopped sleeping and went into delirium. He saved both me and my son by taking that (harsh) decision, by reading legislation until he realized what he had to do in a time where other, more frail men would have been taken by dispair.
I don’t know whether to be amused or…
I think there is a difference between ‘tough’ or strength of character and being ‘bad-ass’.
I only have my own experiences to go on. When I was young and completely insecure I was attracted to the wrong people. I didn’t think I deserved better so accepted being treated wrongly. Now I know I deserve better. Yes I want a man who is willing to stand up for himself and me and yes even make the hard decisions when needed. I don’t want a man who is being governed by ego. My husband is physically strong and makes me feel safe and secure. He is also a big softy who cries watching anima. His willingness to try and his unquestionable love for me are his most enduring qualities.
I’ve known a few girls who would be in abusive relationships…yelling, slapping, even hitting, and would stay with the guy or go back over and over after a break up… I even tried to ‘rescue’ a couple of them during their break ups and they knew i wouldn’t abuse them but they always went back to the abusive BF…made no sense to me… but maybe they felt like you did?
When I was on drugs and I was at my most out of control, I attracted all the wrong type of girls. I was so out there, and so were the girls I dated.
It took a while for me to heal… and most of all get to know myself before I could even think about being in a relationship again. With my past… I tied to build up and do a full 180 on my personality.
Now, I have a girl… she is very nice. My only criteria for a relationship was a person who was patient, kind and had a generous sense of humor. I was lucky to get that.
I do believe that at a certain age, people are looking for something a little more stable and not so dramatic.
My sis is 18 and she has been with some horrid guys… my theory… she’s a lifeguard. That is her job and training. She is a lifeguard… and even off duty… she tries to save everyone. So the 30 year old heroin user, the 20 year old guy from my Sz group who is anti-med, the 60 year old hippy glass artist, the 25 year old divorced guy with the drinking problem… All of them need saving. That is why she dates them.
Right now she has another brother to save… my youngest brother who just got out of hospital 12 weeks ago with a bipolar 1 diagnosis. I am fighting off some jealously about how much time she’s putting in to save him. But I notice… she’s not dating right now. She’s got her new save… so she’s not interested in dating.
I’m waiting to see… once our brother stabilizes… will she find another one to save, or will this cycle end?
We accept what we know until we know better. I was raised with a physically and mentally abusive father. My mother accepted and took it because she was too insecure to be alone. Being abused was better then being alone. It’s a cycle that gets passed down through generations. Her mother was abusive so she didn’t know any better. These environments foster insecure children who become insecure adults. I didn’t know until one day in a drug recovery program someone stated that my story was an extreme case… I was somewhat baffled as for me it was ‘normal’. There is security in what we already know.