I love my bubble. People tend to keep their distance and that’s fine. If someone were to initiate dialogue, I’m more than likely going to make them uncomfortable and ill at ease. Not my intention, I just don’t have the aptitude to develop rapport starting from square one. Let’s face it, rapport is what builds relationships and I just don’t have it. Blame it on the trauma past, the sz, the meds, whatever it is, all I know is that my friendship skills suck.
Question to you is: is it ok for me (or anyone that relates to this) stay within our bubble and relate to others as seldom as possible? An example: I went to a baseball game with a co-worker. I’m my usual self, quiet and reserved and anytime I speak, I can feel the tension and awkwardness brewing. At one point, she says to me, “you’re making me a little uncomfortable.” I do not know what it is hearing words like this that send me into a panic state (mind you it is not a date and I’m not hitting on her, I’m just trying to keep the dialogue going).
I talk to my therapist about this and she’s insistent that I try more often in different situations. She gives me exercises to do (which I never do) and says to me it’s like learning a new trade or hobby-- that it gets easier with time and repetition. I remind her of my age and how I’ve been down this road a thousand times before but she still insists that it’s just ‘anxiety.’
What’s your take? Stay in the comfort of my bubble or try to overcome this momentous hurdle? Obviously, one cannot persist avoiding all dialogue, but I’d like to think I’m a minimalist when it comes to words (spoken, not written ). Isn’t it okay to be a flawed when it comes to integrating socially? Can’t I stay in my protective bubble without alienating myself? Hopefully this topic is relevant and that you may relate and have feedback for me and the other bubble men and women.
Social skills can be learned and isolating yourself isn’t the best thing to do in life. Yeah you can get away with it, but it’s no fun for anyone.
Schizophrenia challenges you on fundamental levels. It attacks your sense of self. It attacks your central view on who you are and how you deal with society. Symptoms often make connections with others hard but it’s important to keep trying.
Keep trying. It’s only you who will lose. Justify it all you want but life is a lot better with others. It really is.
That’s difficult to hear. More hard work. Maybe I can pick up some meth… j/k. Too much all-or-nothing thinking. Gonna keep a thought record of next negative thought.
It makes a difference. It really does.
Approach it how you will but isolation doesn’t help you.
At least have a go and listen to your threrapist!
it’s not about isolating. take networking: I went to college, I’ve had corporate jobs, but ask me to network at a business function and I’m a zero. Only room to improve I suppose… wish my local college would offer a class on how to network effectively, I’d be first in line.
It’s the same process. In business they call it communication and you can get a degree with it. It’s about engaging and listening to cues and responses. My point still stands.
Your inability to network forces you into isolation in social settings. A conversation or a businsess communication is the same in the scheme of things. It is a skill and it’s something you can improve for sure.
You’re right, it is something I can improve. Maybe an adult education class along those lines.
Most communication is about listening! It’s not all about comprehension!
70% of the english language is redundant. That means it isn’t about meaning …it serves a social aspect to language. That just shows you how important social cues are over meaning. You pick up on the meaning but if you fail to pick up on the social cues your missing 70% of the message!
That is how it was in the 90’s when I was trying to get a degree but it’s probably still the same!
Stuff the courses! Just practice and take stock of all social interactions!
I wave the flag and sit back comfortably in my bubble. The older I get, the less I care to socialize out in that other world, it’s just not worth the trouble.
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