Something I thought about years ago. It’s true. And it took me years to figure out how to manage things and work at getting better.
In a way I feel more matured and responsible for myself.
Life can get better even when it’s tough. And we’re always changing our versions of our self. For better or for worse
Yeah, I got diagnosed at 19. I didn’t start improving until I was 22. By the time I hit 23 I was considered stable and I was working again. Some place in my mind I always thought that if I took my medication and did everything my family and the doctors told me, that my disease would get better. I guess I figured I would get back to “normal”. I guess I figured it would go away. I was living in a group home and one day I was walking downtown on a crowded street and it hit me, “This disease isn’t going to go away, I’m going to have it for the rest of my life.” I was shocked at the realization but I pulled myself together and kept walking and my life didn’t really change at that moment. I guess I just accepted it and kept on doing what I was doing.
And 38 years later I’m 60 years old and I’ve worked almost steadily since age 22, I need three more classes for my degree, I live mostly independently, had a lot of fun and more than several people have told me I’ve lived an interesting life. And most importantly, I haven’t given up, I expect more good things to happen to me and I’m looking to improve my life.
I feel almost completely normal at the moment. My emotions are a little more muted than they used to be, and maybe my mind isn’t quite as fast as it was, but I don’t feel like I have an illness at the moment.
I work full time and live independently, and also spend time with my son and friends.
I’m on 5mg Olanzapine at the moment. And considering lowering down to 3.75 mg at the end of the month. But am concerned about a relapse and going back to how I was when I was on 10mg Olanzapine and first recovering from my second episode. I most fear a loss of insight.