So I was at a pretty low point when I asked if the voices ever stopped. I dont really know what changed but I found myself encouraged to just accept that they would be a part of my life. Pretty quickly I got over my annoyance of them, I’ve been living with them for at least 9 or 10 months so I guess I was just ready. After that I just quit listening. Like I said I dont really know what changed its so subtle, but I’ve noticed since my attitude towards them changed they started getting quieter. Typically when I’m alone its like they are screaming, but now they are distant and incomprehensible. I wish i kept better track of what I changed so I could try and help you guys, but I believe in a few months time I should be fully recovered from this illness. That is something the doctors never say. It has been really depressing to have this illness. But I think believing that I could get better regardless of how long it took is fundamental to recovering.
I found this to be case as well. The more I ignored them, the more they faded. Also I had a lot of positive stuff going on when my voices were fading so I also stopped believing them. So when my voices would begin to beat me up and tear me down, I would write out the good stuff. That would help me ignore them more.
It’s amazing how quiet it gets when they are just flat out ignored. It takes a lot of work, but it’s possible to ignore them. Not to let them get to me, and just let them flow through and go fade.
Yeah its nice to feel like im coming down from this. Makes me want to get out and do things. I need more friends, but you all are great.
its better to ignore then and think about something else at the same time, its like blocking them but unintentionally i mean it is meant but you do it without thinking
just clear your head if you can and think of nothing which is what i am still working on but i like distractions, good distractions that are sure to stop me from thinking bad thoughts, good normally beats bad thoughts because who would want to willingly think bad thoughts, cant force it though i dont think, its a gradual thing or it was for me anyway and i do still get some intrusive thoughts that i have to deal with usually starting when i forget my glasses
still the right medication is essential for me.
I first had to vision myself better before it happened. Like in weightlifting or other martial arts, you have to “visualize” your performance before you lift some heavy ass weight or perform some complex moves in martial arts.
I kept imagining myself sitting in a house that I owned staring at a clock on a weekend, married and with a job and successfully medicated. It’s my dream, to get a PhD in psychology, have a wife and work as a professor or psychologist and be well. I am virtually recovered as of now, I just want to be 30 years old and settled down.
There’s this manga series called Berserk in which one of the main characters (Griffith) only sees people as friends and equals if they have an independent dream and do anything to make it real. The main character (Guts) left his mercenary band which had been incorporated with the nation’s elite army with the captains being promoted to knights (nobility) after a duel with Griffith, who had won a duel with Guts years before and was therefore freed from his contract. Griffith went on to sacrifice his entire troop and Guts (who escaped the sacrifice) to become a demon lord. Gut’s dream was to answer to no one. Griffith’s dream was to become the ruler of a kingdom.
The series is more complex than that, it is 335 chapters long and ongoing, but that was like the first 13 chapters. My point is that is is crucial to have a dream and to stick to it- just dont become a demon in the process by selling your soul and sacrificing everything for it.
Guts is now using cursed armor which grants superhuman strength and kills demons, with his ultimate goal being to kill Griffith, who is now using his powers to reincarnate himself in human form and is ruling the known world.
But whatever Im weird
Visualizing and believing in a dream MUST happen for it to come real. Dreams don’t become reality on accident.
my favorite quote is “Is it a dream or a memory?” showing the duality of our perception, was that real or just in my head?, and also means that every dream is a dream until the moment it becomes real, then it is only a memory from then on.
I have had serious ups and downs and I remember that even my greatest dreams (making master rank as a powerlifter, getting a PhD and settling down) will only be memories and nothing more once they actually happen.
It is sometimes the pursuit that is what matters. You notice stories are never about what happens after the happy ending, they are about the conflicts and challenges protagonists face and traits the protagonists possess or develop to make it.
I tend to believe I am getting better when I am getting better. Recovery International groups have helped over the last three years. Recently it’s meditation. I am finding I can still my mind when I come to the end of a meditation session. I have an inner voice that goes on all day into the the night, like a running commentary. I think it developed during 7 years of psychoanalysis in the seventies. I rarely get external voices any more. I look at SZ as being a big distraction. I doget auditory hallucinations in the afternoon. They are a reaction to the noise in the outer environment (traffic, music in stores, people talking). These hallucinations don’t use words. They die down when the day comes to an end. I have to put up with them. Medication doesn’t work. It takes getting used to them is all.
I have hope of getting better one day. I believe I will and am already starting to
Having the WANT also helps. You have to have the “want” to finally do it. It’s hard to do, and it took me a long time to first have the WANT and then get the help and then have the strength and finally figure out what direction I needed to head. But once I got on the path, then the rest of the journey got a bit easier.