Writing about today

Why is it so hard to leave the room?

I woke up and there was a few moments of peace. And then everything came flooding back into my brain, everything I had been upset about. I attempted to push it back behind some sort of floodgate, and then took to reading a book. But the feelings I was storing behind the floodgate began to pool up, until it felt like they were flooding the entire room, suffocating me. This happens from time to time. And when it does happen I NEED to get out, so the energy can disperse into the wide open air .

But it is so HARD to leave the room. There are so many steps required. Find hairbrush, brush hair, put hair in ponytail find headphones find battery for headphones find bra decide what shirt to wear put on bra put on new shirt find shoes find bag make sure all necessary items are in bag have to find items if not. It’s daunting.

And meanwhile strange thoughts slip into my head from time to time from the ones saturating the room. As I walk into the next room I hear “But she knows what it’s like to have the crap beaten out of her” and I shake my head. And later as I read my book I feel bad for the children fighting the demon and think to myself yes how they like to watch you SQUIRM but what starts out as my thought changes into a another voice and then it is something else speaking to me horribly, mockingly and it makes me nearly feel sick.

There are wolves all around. I may be a lioness but there are so many wolves. I may have Father’s protection but there are so many wolves.

Take a hint from Femen and skip that step, for the common good :smiley:

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femen)