Schizophrenia.com

Worst/funniest excuse you've even come up with?

Mine is recent…
I…errhump…received a hickey on my neck upon reuniting with my partner after ten months.

When asked about what happened to my neck by my mother, I responded that while I was walking, a gust of wind came in so string that it launched a single pebble. This pebble proceeded to hit be right in that exact obscure location on my neck. And that is how that got there…

She…bought it. Or, maybe she is playing me…idk what’s your funniest excuse XD

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Ahahah! That made me laugh.

I don’t really remember, I use “I’m on my period” a lot… Perks Of Being A Woman.

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Ah very true. Once, I heard a man talk about how he was sad that his girlfriend had been on her period for three weeks straight…I was like. “uhhhhh you sure about that XD.”

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I think my most embarrassing obvious lie ever was this:

Some years ago I had this two week period where I had some pretty hardcore magical thinking going on, and it manifested in particular with an acute but severe gambling issue (went away when the magical thinking went away, but I also blew over $600 in two weeks).

Anyway as part of it, I bought a ■■■■ ton of scratch off lottery tickets. Well naturally about 1 in every 4 tickets had a very small winning amount. I took all of the winning tickets in to a gas station to redeem the prize money.

Suddenly in a moment of clarity, it occurred to me that it looked really obvious that I had bought an obscene amount of lottery tickets, I think because the woman running the cashier gave me one of those concerned/judgy looks.

And in that moment the best my brain could come up with was, “I bought a bunch of these tickets for a baby shower, and then it turned out I got all the winning ones at the party.”

And then I instantly knew how obvious that lie was and was even more embarrassed. Never went back to that gas station again lol.

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“I thought you were joking” can get you out of some sticky situations, like an marital engagement. yes, this happened to me.

yeesh, that sounds like an awkward experience.

she’s a good person, as people go. she forgave me eventually and we still stay in touch by email six years later. every now and then i think, “I could have been with that” when she’s acting crazy, but most of the time I’m just happy she still answers my emails. and i like sending her pictures of me in drag because she gets to feel like “she wins” somehow, a bit. she’s married now. there are plenty of things i blame myself for, but i don’t regret much. there isn’t much i feel i did the best i could at and still find the outcome painful (probably denial at work) but i regret how things turned out with her. i don’t wish i were married to her, but i made some stupid choices. sorry. rambling. tired. no more posts for me today.

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Loooool that’s great. Before I read this I thought you meant like an excuse for psychotic behavior.

During my first really bad episode when I got a friend involved, at one point she realized that my delusion wasn’t true and told me I needed to get help. Terrified she would tell everyone I was crazy (when I “knew” I wasn’t), I told her the whole thing was a big prank. (Me telling her I was the next messiah, devil was going to kidnap me, a counsel of heavenly beings had decided to give me away to mediate, now that she found out they were going to try to kill her…yah it was just a prank, bro) Somehow she bought it, and got pissed off and stopped being friends with me, whoops.

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Oh man. I have some stories dealing with episodes that later on seem funny but at the time were terrifying. Once…idk why.
But, I was at a breakfast place once and was going a bit nutty. It was fall and little pumpkin figurines were out on the tables and in my mind, they were relaying a specific message to me.

I started grabbing them from all the tables (people were still eating at these tables). My two best friends(who know me very well and caught on to what was happening) acted quickly. One put all the pumpkins back and apologized. The other lead me out of there and paid. I was believing everything was communicating with me for at least three hours after. Now, I think it would’ve been funny had it no been scaryish for me.

I played hockey with a doctor for years…

He told me a woman came into his practice with a piece of cucumber stuck in her private area.

She said she had just gotten out of the shower naked…started slicing the cucumber in front of the sink…the slippery cucumber flew out of her hands and landed on the kitchen floor, pointy side up…at which point she slipped and fell naked on top of the cucumber!!

True story! My buddy doesn’t lie! We were all howling at the Bar after hockey when he told us this story!! lol!

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What a mischievous fruit. I wonder if he started laughing at this. I actually have a friend who got a bean stuck in his ear and had to get it surgically removed…

Your mom absolutely knows the truth! That is hilarious :grin: Such a cute story!

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I want to think she bought it. D: Granted, I’m sure a mother can tell when her kid is lying. On the other hand, when I said it, my father completely bought it. My mom was giving me a weird look. I hope she doesn’t question this…

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She probably thinks it’s cute :blush:

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I wish. Not my mom though. She would be more horrified that I would do such a thing. I know…if only she knew the whole story :no_mouth:…I’d be double dead.

Aww, I’m sorry. I think of my son and how I would enjoy the story and then totally call him out on it! God bless, @Sharp :heart:

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When my girls were too young to read, my wife and I used to leave little notes for each other on the kitchen table. Once I wrote…

“I’ll catch ya later for a Boff!”

My 78 year old mother came over for a visit and I forgot it was on the table. Mom read it and said…

“Patrick, what’s a Boff??”

My face turned beet red and I managed to stammer out…

“Er…it’s a type of coffee they make at Starbucks. I want to meet Chantal later for a coffee!”

Fortunately my dear old Ma bought it. At least i think she did.

Phew!

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hahaha, oh man, I hope she believed it XD

Yes, I’ve had that used on me before. Once. It’s a very good excuse and it’s very hard to argue with, lol.

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I used to use this one when my parents called me on my s*hit,

“Hey, I never asked to be born!”

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