Worst feeling/emotion ...?

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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It’s funny you mention the counting. For me it’s usually counting to 17, or 33. I love prime numbers also for some reason.

The part that bugs me, is that the two idiot voices have full access to every thought in my head. And I return to things habitually, that I know will cause them to flare up. It’s like doing exactly what you know you should not do. And the harder you try not to do it, the more it happens

I still feel an obsessive need to do mathematics in my head, but I suppose I have improved the last few years

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hate 8650872654

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Yes, ill will can fester and become quite ugly. One of the five hindrances

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Prime numbers actually no

I forgot it was 3x4=12+3 for good luck :wink:

I liked 12 because it had the most divisible for such a low number

IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME NOW

divisibility was the key to my ocd-child-self.

I know 3 is a prime number

But I liked it because it timesed by 4 was 12.

And 4 is my lucky number too still to this day!!

I hated prime numbers actually aside from 3

But on the other hand I like prime steak

Haha just random tonight I am :slight_smile:

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Interesting s***. Everyone is a unique case I suppose.

I’m right there with you with a nice prime rib steak. I had a bacon wrapped Philly last week, don’t get me wrong it was delicious, but I love prime rib the best

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I’ve had a lot of severely bad feelings. A few were unbearable but lasted only a moment. It made me fear hell.

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to my understanding hell is a perpetual state of hate… an inner torment of “weeping and gnashing of teeth”

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I honestly think, feel, and believe, I’m reincarnating constantly. I guess it’s partly schizophrenia but I feel it’s sort of true thanks to string theory…

You know Big Bounce Theory?

It sort of feels like a causal loop or even a time loop or some sort of reverse time flow and reverse entropy thing for eternity back to my early or beginning 20s and after I got schizophrenia. It feels like trillions of times and I cannot escape. There’s nothing worse than feeling I’m trapped being ‘reset’ for eternity with schizophrenia even after I die and that it feels like hell would be better than this ■■■■. It feels like Limbo or something and I feel like I’m stuck living in a computer program/simulation too.

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Cold wasteland or turned to stone. I’m not Christian but I’ve wept and gnashed my teeth in the outer darkness.

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Alan watts said reincarnation is if you don’t live in the present moment you’re constantly reincarnated over and over. He didn’t believe in a super intelligent creator and all or much of an afterlife

But he did try to explain the Hindu/Buddhist philosophies as reaching samsara/enlightenment/nirvana is just living in the present moment constantly aka avoiding the cycle of rebirth/reincarnation, on an every day basis.

So it’s interesting you would say that

I’m reading a watts book rn

Hope my post helps a little!!!

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