Schizophrenia.com

Worse thing ever

#1

the worse thing ever about this disease was when i had to wake my dad up every night i was unwell

my dad didnt get a lot of sleep sometimes, i would wake him up in the early hours and he would get up and sit with me until i felt able to go back to sleep,

i hated waking him up but i couldnt help it.

whats your worse thing about this disease?

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#2

alienating friends and family, because I was convinced they were plotting and conspiring against me. Some relationships were ruined, many others will take a long time to heal.

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#3

oops i hit the like button by accident there, sorry.

i remember i lost my friends but i didnt have a lot of friends to start with and my family is rather small and they supported me esp my dad so i couldnt ever think he was an enemy.

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#4

I’m generally ok with most of my family, for the most part.
It’s friends that I’ve known for years that I grow uncontrollably suspicious of. I’ve had mixed reactions when I’ve told friends I have a mental health condition.
Some have been very supportive, some have retreated and become distant.

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#5

Probably being unable to function socially.

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#6

Having hard time socializing with strangers, even though i have my ideology than some others, i am just not confidence with myself, i always think to my self if i should say this or that, but with close friends i don’t feel that way and during conversations with friends i am open and smart.

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#7

wow , you had a nice dad.
take care

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#8

Worst part for me is blowing several promising careers and making life harder for my kids. SZ makes it tough to be a good parent…I’m definitely not a good example of stability.

The other hard thing is trying to just get up each day and do anything sometimes. I’m a very self conscious person and on my bad days or hours, I don’t exist at all.

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#9

The cognitive challenges. I hade a great job before I got ill. I was like a boss for 5 ppl. Did very much improvements at my work place and my collegues trusted me and said I did a great job. Now I’m back on “floor” doing mindless work. I don’t have to think at all, I can’t push big bosses to change things as easily.

I’d love to have my old job back, but I know I can’t. The stress and security planning will get me paranoid and psychotic again.

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#10

Yeah. Stressful work I think I can never do again. Two out of my last three jobs I got fired for saying things at the end I honestly don’t even recall saying. Some was kinda crazy. When I hit a full break, it’s really a break.

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#11

I’m right there with Aaron. Destroying family relations and driving friends away has been the worst part about this. I have one brother who will barely speak to me for all the terror I put into his life. He’s one year younger then me, and I don’t think that relationship will ever repair. The younger siblings, I was nicer to and better with.

The other stuff that I’m not too happy about is the faulty memory and finding out in hindsight what I did in a situation. I really cringe when parts of my past that I don’t even remember start coming out.

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#12

You’ve really struck a cord there with me @SurprisedJ.
I’m still finding out all the horrible things I’ve said to my family and friends. It’s terrifying to know that all of this was done and said without me remembering.
But, I can either dwell on the past, or try and makes things right and move on with my life. I choose the latter.

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#13

The worst part of schizophrenia to me is not being able to work and support myself.

Before I became ill, I had a great job as a nurse. I managed a large psychiatric treatment center that specialized in psychotic disorders. I got to help a lot of people every day. It was very rewarding. And it was a great paying job.

I used to have a nice condo in a high rise building in the middle of the city. I had a new car that I loved. I was able to send money to my dad to help him out financially. And I was able to save a lot for the future.

But schizophrenia took all that from me. Still, though, I try to stay positive about life. I have a decent apartment. I can walk to everything I need. I can take care of my dog most of the time. And I have some GREAT friends.

I’ve lost a lot. But, thankfully, I still HAVE a lot to be thankful for.

Blessings,

Anthony

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#14

@radmedtech I’m right there with you. The worst part for me as well is not being able to work and take care of myself like I was able too. I had a super nice apartment and a great job that people around here don’t get very often. I had to work hard to get it and took a few college courses to get the job. Once the schizophrenia hit me I lost everything. My home and job and the car I had. I had to move in with family and now I depend on disability. My family has been great with me about my illness and they’re very supportive. Friends are as well. So I’ve been very lucky not to lose many people through all this. Even the people at my work that I was a supervisor too are still in touch with me and say they miss me all the time which makes me feel great. It is hard to stay hopeful at times knowing how great things were and how they are now.

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#15

What I lost I’m not sure I want back.
Somethings can finally be buriedd-and stay buried.
And my future now has a chance.

I didn’t change, I’m still the same now as always.

The others, though, can’t say the same.
Tempus omnia revelat.
Time Reveals All.

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#16

I’ve been working on forgiving myself and trying to let the family know I’m sorry for what I put them through. It’s hard to apologize for something I didn’t even know I did in the first place. Piecing the memory together is a very hard thing to do. I also feel that I’m a little lucky here because some of the stuff that I thought was purely horrid, the kid sis thought was sweet and touching. (weird kid) :wink:

I was so afraid of her getting kidnapped when she was young, I’m told I used to physically hand cuff her to the belt loops of my jeans when she was little and we had go out in public. I find this to be horrid and humiliating. A little girl being handcuffed to her brothers pants… She says she thought it was a game and a challenge as how to get out of handcuffs.

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#17

The worst thing is when I was a kid and I get to hear the bad voices and having all sorts of hallucinations like some one poking me, and I was so paranoid to a degree that I would need badly to go to the bathroom and I couldn’t do that, I was so afraid of what I will encounter through my way to the bathroom, with my relapse it’s coming back to me, that feeling is the worst.

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#18

@Alex I know exactly what you mean. When I was a child I would hear really scary voices and hallucinate awful things. I couldn’t bathe or use the restroom alone.

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#19

For me it was realizing that I couldn’t trust myself.

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